Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Something to drink....

The official drink ng mga singles this Valentine's Day.... or even everyday.....

Made of pure ampalaya extracts and blood of ex's, heart-breakers, and bile....

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

The Date Charity Project

This is an impromptu initiative concocted by friends to take out to dinner the single guy (who is hopeless in love, not even hopeless romantic) on the eve of Valentine’s Day, because I am officially the charity case in the barkada when it comes to love.

The 0bjective is not to make it memorable for the single person like me. The objective is to show that there is still life outside Valentine’s Day and dateless nights. Basta ‘wag ka lang mabakante.

The charity project goes like this:

  1. Save the date- the official date to do this is February 13. Not later than 14. Because 15 is supposedly dedicated to singles who want to party and celebrate their singlehood, flaunt their very much aspired independence and nonchalance attitude towards relationships; an actual pathetic attempt to cover up the bitter ampalaya mema status.
  2. Food for the loveless soul- The choice of food is important. Again, nothing fancy or overpriced. Fancy and overpriced are for lovers and couples because love does not make them use their brains and be practical. It has to be something that reflects the nature of singlehood- basic and pragmatist. Food must be good, cheap, and reminiscent of certain aspects of the things lacking in the life of a single person which can be achieved through food.
Dinner in an Asian diner. A large pot of spicy noodle soup and fried duck. Spices in place of a hot night, hot soup and eggs in place of a hot date (like what we say in Filipino- sabaw na lang, may itlog din naman), and duck to remind the single person that even if he or she is a sitting duck, that person is still appetizing. And it really has to be soup because, wala lang. Sabaw kasi yung single eh. Lol!

  1. Number of person in a date- It should be three. Three is a company. A solitary figure needs a company. Two is the top even number for Valentine’s Day. Three is for the charity case, since the lone person is already bogged down by the looming feast, there’s one for conversation and one for laughter. Conversations can be about love, politics and anything under the sun, ending as usual with the talk of tae.
And those are two persons who will generously split the bill and pay for the single guy’s dinner.
  1. Dessert as finale-the charity date must end with glucose overdose, to compensate for the lack of sweetness in everything of the single life. And eventually, coffee, symbolizing the bittersweet status of the beneficiary.

And thus I command you all, do the Lord’s work. Ilibre niyo na mga single diyan. Gora na!

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

When in Doubt, Vote for the Pogi

It’s already election season here in Italy. One of my favourite seasons of the year. Bullshit-monger kasi din ako. Hahaha!

So as usual, political parties have engaged all news outlets and social media platforms to channel the same old shitloads of promises which they are determined to ignore or break in two or three years after being elected in power.

Recently I posted a shout out on my Facebook account one criterion for voting that all Italo-Filipinos should consider- and that is to identify which political party who, in 15 to 20 minutes gave away millions of tax-payers’ money to banks who were presumably having financial difficulties, while debated fiercely in parliament for years and asked if they should give enough money for healthcare and education. FUCK YOU DEMOCRATS AND FUCK YOU TOO MATTEO RENZI. 

But if you are overwhelmed with the issues of the day and can’t find any reason or criterion to vote for a candidate, or even the will to go out and vote- here’s my piece of advice. Vote for the handsome/cute or the beautiful. You can’t go wrong.

So ladies and gay men, here’s my candidate for you… LUIGI DI MAIO

In a beauty-deficient field, it’s quite a treat to see a politician with good looks, especially here in Italy, where there are so many politic figures who are centuries old.

And here comes Luigi di Maio, vice president of the Chamber of Deputies, and the front man of the emerging and fierce political party Movimento 5 Stelle (the 5-star Movement).

They’ve been cutting out the bullshit in Parliament ever since they entered the political arena. There have been some internal issues and problems with their members in the recent past, but they do not hesitate to lay them off and send them away packing, something that really shook me. Usually political parties remove an erring member from office only to be put back again after two years, but with a higher position and better salary. Fucktards. Parliamentarians of his party are the only ones willing to cut down salaries of Parliament members so that government can save money (Italy has the highest paid legislators in all of Europe).

His party is different. And he is different because he’s smart and I find him cute. Young, dark skin, smart, and already wielding political power and prowess- goodness I’m having furious orgasms. I really like men in power. Of course they have to be good-looking. So Trump is out of the question. Lol!

Well, what can I say? I am the kind who judges a book by its cover. 

Friday, January 26, 2018

Geography is not the subject today...

Geography is not the subject today. It shouldn’t even be the issue today.

So Mocha spit out another one of her many sensational bullshits (I’ve been repeating this word a lot recently, just to show how much we have it around us), and this time it’s about Mayon volcano’s location.

While it’s unthinkable that a government official has poor knowledge of Philippine geography, I still wonder why there is so much brouhaha happening around Mocha’s statement.

How about calling out judicial institutions to dispense justice for the Fallen 44? How about calling out former President Noynoy Aquino to grow some balls and take responsibility about the messed up coordination of the operation? What about the fucking Dengvaxia?

I do understand you. I do not like Mocha too. But she’s there. What else we can do? What we can do is to make her accountable to her real boss- the people of the republic, not the State Bully and his gang. Call her out to bring attention to important issues. Let us not waste her time and tax-payers money by making her apologize for her geographical mishap or justify her lack of knowledge of geography.  

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Crappy News- Daily Bread

Fast-food is crap but we still eat them because they comfort us. Porn is filth but you still watch because it helps you from not raping anybody (I believe that Mary Palm moments can keep you sane). PUV’s are a threat to the environment and to your life but you still take the jeepney, MRT, the bus, the train because they still take you from point A to point B. Smoking is annoying and it can kill you and the kids and people around you, but you really don’t give a fuck because smoking is for not giving any fuck at all. So why avoid the crap you see on TV or the bullshit you read in the newspapers, when you’ve been taking in so much other crap for your body and daily routine?

Strange isn’t it? We can tolerate life-threatening products, carcinogenic compounds, and death-defying routines (i.e. riding PUV’s), but we do not have the strength to tolerate the news of the day. For some reason, they can overwhelm us- body and soul. We can watch 3 hours of Kris Aquino’s bullshits and savour them all (finger-licking good), but not a word about senate hearings or the recent announcements from MalacaƱang.


Because they are all the same crap that we’ve heard ever since those white conquistadores were welcomed by the ever hospitable datu’s and rajah’s of our islands. And we keep on hearing the same old names, seeing the same old faces, listening to the same old promises, and still living the shitty life in a shitty community, in a shitty country with a shitty economy, and many other shits. Same old crappy news, but different shade and different level of putrefaction. And that’s how crappy news are served to us all the time.

It’s really exasperating, and many of us have become apathetic. Thus, the emergence of the likes of Kris Aquino, because we have to admit it- she’s emanating so much positive vibes as she recounts to the common Filipino her lipsticks and their different shades of pink, Bimb’s latest comic review (now considered real critique), and her love for thousand-dollars-worth hand bags. Or give fucks about the Kardashian.

But you know what? WE CAN’T AND WE MUST NOT AVOID CRAPPY NEWS. It must be our daily bread.

It is a must for citizens to be informed, and at the same time it is important for us to ANALYSE and READ MORE about the issues of the day. It is high time that many of us come out of the shadows of blissful ignorance and stray away from the bleating herd of stupid sheep that just follow one social trend- repeat the bullshit and bully the differently opinionated individuals.

And now I’m being preachy, spewing bullshits here. Sorry. But the very reason why networks are so confident to share fake news is because they know very well that we allow them to fool us easily. The very reason why political bloggers, politicians and cabinet officials get away with what they say is because no one dares to speak out his mind and call out stupidity. We have relinquished our right to truth. Instead we accept fake news. We allow stupidity. We close our eyes and ears to truth.

It’s time to cut the crap. Be informed. Ask questions. Read more. Educate yourselves.