7:30- Opened my eyes again. The
around me is grimly panoramic. The faint beeping sounds from my mobile made me realize that I’m in my cell and that people have already started bombarding my mobile with text messages which will soon be deleted without being read at all. Went out of bed. Without washing my face or brushing my teeth or combing my hair, I put on my pants, shirt, jacket and shoes and went outside. Walked all the way to the street where I parked the car last night. Hundreds of blocks away from our building. Why I parked my car there is still a mystery. I wasn’t drunk last night. Trip lang kaya ganon! I walked passed a school where kids with their dads and moms are loitering in front of the school gate. People were looking at me as if I were a zombie- disheveled hair, red eyes, with that distinct smell of a rotting cadaver. I wanted to growl at them but I just don’t have the drive to do it. I drove back to our place and parked Golfie in front of our building. Went back to my room. Stripped down to my boxers and went back to bed. I’m not an exhibitionist. I don’t normally sleep like this in my cell. I know it’s winter but it just felt so right to do it. And I was compelled to do it for no reason at all. It is cold and I hear the strong winter winds. Closed my eyes and went back to nightmare land. Smoky Mountain
|an idea of how my room looks like|
8:30- I was suddenly awakened by voices coming from the living room. My grandma got a long-distance call from her niece in
Sometime around 11:00- Got up. Grabbed my mobile and sent some important messages to my friends. Put on my pyjamas and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. Read my morning devotion- Twisted II by Jessica Zafra. Yes, twisted people and zany books keep me sane and healthy.
- washed my face and brushed my teeth. As I looked at myself in the mirror I said that I should stop sleeping late and try to get rid of all these extra weight and pimples. I got so depressed. Went back to the kitchen to relieve the “emotional pain” caused by my “insecurities”. I tried not to think of the bills that I’m going to pay to repair my car’s engine.
Somewhere from -- Moments of worthless study of my new Facebook account. Tried editing the info in my profile page. All this trouble just to let people know that I hate them in general.
15:30-- games, games, and more games. More worthless things to do.
-- At this moment, the putrid smell from my body is unbearable. I decided to accomplish the verb “to bathe”.
-- My favorite part of the day- dinner. Followed by the least favorite duty of the day- washing the dishes. A dinner for a whole baranggay was served so I had to do the after-dinner chores together with the dishwasher. The dishwasher gave up. The machine walked out and suddenly she got hit by a car in an alley. A non-human reprise of Huling El Bimbo?
21:00-21:30- Sound tripping with my guitar. Hey Jude don’t make it bad take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her into your heart and then you can start to make it better.
-- I don’t do drugs. Jai Guru Deva Ohm…. Nothing’s gonna change my world. Nothing’s gonna change my world.
-- I love Beatles. Yesterday, all my troubles seem so far away…
22:30-wee hours- Contemplating the sentences written by Jessica Zafra and Sylvia Plath. A literary cocktail of irony and pure detrimental poetic depression. But not enough to push me over the edge of suicidal mood. Partly because I can’t quite decipher Plath’s verses. They are quite absurd. It was Zafra’s book that kept me alive. She made me realize that it is important that I live so that our few numbers will be able to maintain the mental sanity of this idiot-filled planet. Went back to Facebook, Twitter, and many other worthless social networks that are supposedly created for the purpose of enriching my relationship with my friends and my connection to the world. I’m struck with awe and amazement at man’s ability to render special the things that are worthless and superficial.
Unknown time- What time is it? My eyes are heavy. I let my eyes wander around this small cell which I call my room. They say that the world around you is simply the reflection or the physical manifestation of the state of your mind. Does this mean that chaos and decadence are my natural habitat? No energy to ponder on such things. I was craving for coffee. Made myself a cup. Then another one. Then a caffe latte. Satisfied, I went back to my cell, turned off the light and lay down in my bed. I can hear the soft whispers, of voices from afar, as if singing a requiem from the deep entrails of the ocean. To my surprise, it was Debussy chanting a lullaby. I closed my eyes again and went back to oblivion.