Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Tripster Guru ep. 01- It's Complicated


Dear Tripster Guru,

Nakipagbreak na ako sa boyfriend ko. Or should I say, nakipagbreak siya sakin. But I still love him at magbabago pa naman siya eh. That's why magkasama pa rin kami pero hindi kami. Alam mo yon? It's complicated, eh. Please help me to make our situation better.

Yours truly,

Linta ng Pag-ibig



* * * * * * * *
Dear Linta ng Pag-ibig,

Hindi kayo mag-asawa, hindi kayo mag-syota, hindi kayo room-mates, pero nagsasama kayo sa isang kama. Anong tawag sa inyo? Oo, mag FB kayo, Facebook buddies lang. It's complicated.

Sa mata mo, pareho lang kayo frustrated kaya suspended ang inyong relationship sa isang compromising and ambiguous situation. Tumatayo kayo sa borderline ng lovers, friendship, at cellmates ng mental hospital. For you, it is a sign that both of you are hoping to carry on.
Ganun din ba sa mata ng lalaki? Perhaps he allows such situation para lang mabawasan ang bad image niya, na para lalo siya hindi makasakit, hahayaan na lang niya ikaw sa isang stagnant status na "It's Complicated".

Malabo pa kayo sa dalawang adik. Unless na may intention talaga ang lalaki na magkabalikan kayo, malabo ang pinapangarap mo 'day! I don't know what's up with women at lagi silang mayroong Messiah-complex.

Maraming ganyan but it doesn't mean na normal 'yon at okay lang. Hello! Babae ka, hindi ka sex doll! Tao ka. 

You were meant to be a companion, a lover and a friend of a man. Bakit ba kailangan mo pa lokohin ang sarili mo? Bakit kailangan mo pa matakot na akala mo siya na lang ang natitirang lalaki sa mundong ito?

Tandaan: A girl needs thousands of reasons to go to bed with a guy, while a guy needs only a bed. Talo ka girl. 

There are still a lot of penis-centered males out there na iniisip nila na sila'y regalo ng Diyos para sa inyong kababaihan. They may not do it intentionally but they do behave in this manner and it's unacceptable.

Napaisip lang tuloy ako ng ganito kasi nga kapag nikikita ko ang picture mo sa Facebook. You're not hideous and you're cute, why not go out there and look for another guy kaysa naghihintay ka araw-araw diyan sa apartment mo with arms and legs open wide for a guy who treats you like a sex doll?

I think it's the fear of being alone and the feeling of being rejected. That's why you have to be brave to get out of your shell, and start a new life without him. Remember, happiness is just there around you, hindi mo lang pinapansin. 

Ganito ang logic kasi niyan. Kung talagang mahal ka niya, hindi yan magdadalawang isip na balikan ka. Pero kung pareho naman kayo magpapaka-engot sa sarili niyo eh di sige, ipagpatuloy mo lang girl at patunayan mo lalo na mas matalino talaga ang lalaki sa inyong mga babae.

Stop degrading yourself. You're beautiful and you have an interesting personality. Go out and let yourself be free from the shackles of such bad romance. Hindi ikaw ang nawalan. Go ahead, change "It's complicated" to "Single". Just click on, and surely, something better will happen.



Saturday, September 24, 2011

Al Yankovich: The better weird artist

Weird Al Yankovich's simply the best when it comes to making parodies of soundtracks and songs. This time he made a parody of Lady Gaga's "Born This Way". It was said that the his mtv "I Perform This Way" was actually approved by Gaga herself.

So here's the video and enjoy!


The Artist Death Match: Lady Gaga vs. Charles Bukowski


And the battle is on between the two most beautiful scums of the earth- The Queen of Monsters, Her Royal Highness in her most outrageous regalia Lady Gaga, versus The Laureate of Low Lifeforms of America, Charles Bukowski. Who will win this match?



Their artistic work-

Gaga- compared to her over-rated contemporaries, the Fame Monster is a genuine product of true music and pure talent. She knows how to sing, play the piano, and she can dance as well. No autotune. But instead of being a diva like Mariah Carey or Celine Dion, she opted to create glamourized trashy songs with stuttering lyrics (Po-po-po-po-po-pokerface, Ra-ra-ra-ah-ah, Juda-juda-a-as, see what I mean?). Yes, they're trash, yet amazingly brilliant when she plays them in her piano. In her artistic power, she pulled thousands of her minions out of their shells to become who they were destined to be, little monsters of Lady Gaga's powerful Fame Monster Machinery.

Bukowski- a true writer and poet, but his ascension towards the peak of success was initially blocked by ignorant publishers. His poems and other works are about losers, whores, pimps, criminals and all other underdogs of society. His art is simple in form, but the characters and their stories reflects the profundity of the American reality during his time. The narrator of the dark, the hopeless, the obscene and the dull. His works actually speak to his audience.

Gaga-0 / Bukowski-1- just because Bukowski doesn't stutter in his poems.  

Lifestyle- 

Gaga- an icon not only in music but also in the world of fashion. She destroyed the negative concept of what is strange and alien by giving a new definition, or better, offering a new concept of being a non-conformist and original- TO GO GAGA. That means "be what you want to be". She's the knight in shining armour of the losers of society. Her lifestyle says that dreams come true, even in a fashionably nightmarish way.

Bukowski- Cigarettes, random sex and alcohol. This writer lives just like any other random guy in the streets. He lived how others lived their lives. He was the man of the mass, thus a man of mess. 

Gaga- 1 /Bukowski- 1- because Gaga's story from rags to richer rags appeal so much to her little monsters. Bukowski is the 60's version of emo, and I hate emo's. Besides, both the losers and the powerful love Gaga's regalia.

A masterpiece on love/relationship gone terrible-

Gaga- Bad Romance

Bukowski- Love is a dog from hell

Gaga- 1 / Bukowski 2- in this round it's for Bukowski, he just now how terrible it can get in a bad romance.

On God

Gaga- "I'm beautiful in my way 'coz God makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way."

Bukowski-“For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries."

Gaga- 2 / Bukowski- 2- Another point for Gaga. She's the curse and blessing. Love her or hate her, you really can't blame the woman who gets her inspiration from God and gays.

Utility

Gaga- I listen to Gaga's hype music while jogging early in the morning. 

Bukowski- Hmmm.... I can use the pages of his book to clean myself after a laborious session of sitting on the toilet. However, the paper is not very  comforting to wipe down there.

Gaga- 3 / Bukowski- 2- Definitely one point for Gaga!

Secret Weapon

Gaga- God and gays!

Bukowski- Alcohol and liquor

GAGA WINS! Bukowski passed out.


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Killing time.... in every sense of the word


NAME : Tripster Guy
BIRTHDATE: Irrelevant            
PRESENT ADDRESS: I’m so high I’m not even sure if I’m still on earth.
  

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = coffee,

2. last phone call = My everdearest boss who called me from the second floor of the building of our workplace telling me to bring her a bottle of water. And I said, “Hell no!”… well, I actually said, “Sure! Still or sparkling?”, hehehe….

3. last text message = XD

4. last song you listened to = Wolfgang’s Revolution Now. Kinda missing the pinoy metal rock days.

5. last time you cried = the day Osama bin Laden was declared dead. Namatay din kasi yung isa kong kuko sa paa. It hurts so much!

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = boring naman kapag ganun…

7. been cheated on = No, they find me irresistible. Hahahaha!

8. kissed someone & regretted it = why is this becoming too intrusive about my secret liaisons?

9. lost someone special = Many times, but I’ve lost one that’s really absurdly dear to me. Virtually. Oh my God, I’m becoming stupid and incoherent like many. I’m in love?!

10. been depressed = My life’s pretty much like that but I’m very hyped.

11. been drunk and threw up = It only happened once and that’s it! I don’t get it why many people love to get drunk.


LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Blue

13. Black

14. Pink

HAVE YOU:
15. Made a new friend = I try not to make a new one. You can’t be sure if they’re mentally sane.

16. Fallen out of love = I’m always too in love with myself and that’s for life.

17. Laughed until you cried = No, but I wept so much one time that I started laughing out loud. After that, I went to the bathroom and took a dump.

18. Met someone who changed you = Why does that matter? Do you wanna meet him too?

19. Found out who your true friends were = I guess I still need to put them to a test.

20. Found out someone was talking about you = Everybody’s talking about me. Please note that I’m a delusional freak.

21. Kissed anyone on your FB friend's list = What the hell is this question?

GENERAL:
22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life = Why do you care?

walang 23?

24. Do you have any pets = I killed them all. It was an accident.

25. Do you want to change your name = Yes. I’d like to be called George Richard Pryce Miguel Joselito Pacencio Carpio de Valencia III.

26. What did you do for your last birthday = Polished some details regarding my plans of world domination.

27. What time did you wake up today =  7:00  and then I went back sleep.

28. What were you doing at midnight last night = Unspeakable abomination.

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = Finish this questionnaire.

30. Last time you saw your Mother =  exactly 43 minutes ago, she was telling me to make some coffee.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = The decision that I should’ve made in 2002.

32. What are you listening to right now = The abysmal empty silence

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? = Tom who? What? You’re freaking me out.

34. What's getting on your nerves right now = Apart from Rebecca Black and my evil sister, you.

35. Most visited website = I’m not saying porn. Hahahaha! Of course, my blog!

walang 36 at 37?

38. Relationship Status = Available for superficial relationship and flings because I’m always broke. Need to get a better-paying job!

39. Zodiac sign = Worm.

40. He or She = Now this is the question you can only ask a stupid person because I can’t give you a stupid answer to your stupid question.

41. High School = no rid. No rite.

42. College = illiterate me.

NAWALA NA RIN ANG 43?

44. Hair color = Black.

45. Long or short = short, silky and curly spikes. Figure that out.

46. Height = I don’t have to tell you. I’m just happy that I’m looking down at you right now.

47. Do you have a crush on someone? = Let me think…. Uhm… what do you care?

48. What do you like about yourself? = My conflicting personalities, my arrogance and hypocrisy and my “just the average nice guy” attitude towards many. But most of the time, I’m just so full of myself. That’s why I’m trying to be as patient as possible in answering this questionnaire.

49. Piercings = Hanapin mo!

50. Tattoos = Hulaan mo!

51. Righty or lefty=  I use my snout.

FIRSTS:
52. First surgery = I had my appendix removed and replaced it with a new one.

53. First piercing = Why are you so obsessed with my piercing?!

54. First best friend = My imaginary alien-friend named The Mad Magisterial Harlequin of the Popess of Mortoria.

55. First sport you joined = What is “sport”?

56. First vacation = May ganon?

SAAN NAPADPAD ANG 57

58. First pair of trainers = Can’t believe that you’re actually asking me this question as if it will reveal some cosmic truth about me!

RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating = nothing.

60. Drinking = my third cup of coffee

61. I'm about to = get a nervous breakdown for no reason at all.

62. Listening to = an imaginary orchestra of beings of the third kind, and I don’t know where they came from.

63. Waiting for = payday and Christmas.

YOUR FUTURE:
64. Want kids? = Bakit? Nagbebenta ka ba?

65. Get Married? = I don’t believe in marriage anymore, sorry! Hahahaha!

66. Career? = Become a treacherous invincible imperial ruler.

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes = a vibrant bank account

68. Hugs or kisses = Kisses, because I don’t like people touching me.

69. Shorter or taller = I’m not asking for a dwarf or a sky-scraping human being.

70. Older or Younger = mature enough to handle a retard immature guy like me.

71. Romantic or spontaneous = Rich

72. Nice stomach or nice arms = what for?

73. Sensitive or loud = what’s that supposed to mean?

74. Hook-up or relationship = I believe in a short-term contractual relationship, one that is renewable as well whenever needed.

75. Trouble maker or hesitant = Whatever, as long as she’s not a psycho.



HAVE YOU EVER:
76. Kissed a stranger = I’m not a man-whore and I’m scared of STD’s

77. Drank hard liquor =  What’s the big deal about it?

78. Lost glasses/contacts =  Whatever.

79. Sex on first date = Masyado pa akong inosente para sa ganyang bagay.

80. Broke someone's heart = Unfortunately, yes because I’m a spawn of unmarried antecedents.

81. Had your own heart broken = Doesn’t matter.

82. Been arrested = Not yet!

83. Turned someone down= Pretty much everybody.

84. Cried when someone died = Yes. I cried because I was laughing so hard at the funeral of somebody I really hate.

85. Fallen for a friend = Can we just move on to the next question? This is becoming so ridiculous.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself = Do you think I fabricated my existence?

87. Miracles = The fact that you exist is a miracle. You ought to disappear right now.

88. Love at first sight = I believe in miracles, so why such impossible idiosyncrasy like this shouldn’t happen?

89?

90. Santa Claus = No, but I believe that there’s a half-human-half-snake monster under the Robinson’s Galleria Mall and manananggals.

91. Kiss on the first date = Just kiss, no date.

92. Angels = Yes. I see one when I look at the mirror. Me…


Sorry... got bored today, wala din magawa.... 

Monday, September 19, 2011

Random Things I Learned from Bad Art




Alam kong may isang buwan na ang nakalipas nang naging headline ang exhibit ni Mideo Cruz, ang notorious artist na nag produce ng isang "blasphemous art".
For me, ang exhibit ni Mideo Cruz... it's quite, uhm.... inviting? hahaha! I don't like it. I'm no art expert, but when I saw the photos of the controversial exhibit, his work is no match with what I usually see in the Uffizi Gallery here in Florence or the ones you would see in the Louvre in France. Hindi ko talaga ma-appreciate ang modern art. Wala akong maintindihan. It's either sobrang bobo ko lang talaga o walang sense ang modern art.
I wouldn't say it's blasphemous and I won't be the judge to say that it's bastos or offensive. But I agree with what F. Sionil José said, that it was simply a juvenile art. Bad art sabi nga niya.
But in some ways, na appreciate ko din ang gawa ni Cruz. Itong bastos (daw) na artist na ito with his bad art made me realize several things:
1. Ang OA ng real-life- Why so much drama? Tulad nga ng sinabi ng dakilang writer na si Jessica Zafra, "In any case we have always believed that Filipinos are very open-minded about sex. They just like acting shocked. We’re a nation of drama queens."
Sila na rin nagsabi na basura ang work niya. Ganyan pala sila mag react sa basura ni Mideo, eh bakit hindi sila mag-dramang todo todo sa basura sa paligid natin?
2. Magaling sa drama si Imelda Marcos- Best Actress Award ang iaabot ko sa dating Unang Ginang nang sinabi na super disgusted daw siya sa phallic objects at condoms na inilagay sa mga imahen ng Catholic Church. Magaling din siya magtago ng sariling kulo. Wala yata nakaka-alala sa nag flop na International Film Festival na ginawa niya sa Manila. Ayon sa libro ni Sterling Seagrave, The Marcos Dynasty- "The Second International Film Festival was a bigger fiasco. This time Imeld underwrote festival costs by showing pornographic movies... Crowds of the faithful turned out to watch explicit scenes of fornication on the giant screen culminating with simultaneous orgasm."
Banal naman pala siya.... weeeeh!

Eto pa ang sinabi niya sa mga critics niya, "Truly, pornography is all in the mind and the heart." Eh ngayon, bff's na si Imelda at ang mga pari.
Napapailing na nga lang ako nang ibinubunganga niya ito sa isang ambush interview: "Human rights have limits, at saka freedom has limits.". Hay nako Imelda, that is so you!
3. To err is a divine right of a politician, to be forgiven is the divine right of a politician- Hinding hindi mapapatawad ng Kulo Destroyer at ang nobena groupies ni Big JC si Mideo Cruz. Pero ang mga sumusunod ay kaya nilang patawarin dahil faithful naman kay Lord ang mga sumusunod-
Hindi ito blasphemous para sa Catholic Church?

Ibinoto niyo pa nga ulit ito noong huling eleksyon
Mapapatawad niyo ba talaga ito kahit wala siyang hawak na phallic object?

at lalu na ito

The praying president? Ilang beses niyo napatawad yan, palibhasa pinagkape kayo at pinasakay sa pajero.


4. Bastos ang mga artists, pero hindi lascivious ang mga taong ito- Oo, ibinoto niyo rin yang mga yan.

Ara Mina para sa malaking hinaharap ng QC!

5. Kaya pala natin gumawa ng decisive action para sa mga walang kwentang bagay- tulad na lang ng magiting nating Kulo Destroyer- natawag na niya ang mga nasa authorities, nakapag-rally ng mga supporter at inatake niya mismo ang exhibit. If the same effort and attention can be done to such rubbish, why can't we do the same to the corrupt political dynasties, kotong cops and jejemon youth?
6. Another lesson for me- HUWAG MAKI-EPAL SA MGA ISSUES NA NANGYARI LAST MONTH. I feel pathetic right now. Gawa naman kasi ng video ni Juana Change eh!
7. Bakit walang comment si Mommy Dionisia? Bakit hindi siya nilusob ng media ngayon? Dito dapat siya nag hysterical at nagsabing, yung malaswa, malaswaaaaaaa!


Nais kong tapusin ang post kong ito ng ganito-
"The obscenities in this country are the powerful Filipinos who do not do their duties, the corrupt officials, who are not responsible. These are the obscenities in our nation. There are only bad artists and bad writers."- Francisco Sionil José, Philippine National Artist for Literature.