There’s a little masochist in everyone. In a sense that we like conjuring memories of the only person who made our heart beat in the wrong moment of our life. It’s sweet and painful at the same time. Eventually, we get depressed. But we actually knew from the very beginning that something like this would happen and that it was preventable. It’s an emotional suicide.
The story is about Hajime. He was a loner as a kid and he grew up with Shimamoto, his childhood sweetheart who disguises her awkwardness at walking with a limp. After school the two would meet to listen to records and talk about their future.
Now Hajime is in his thirties, has a jazz bar, a family. He’s practically in the prime of his life. It seems he has everything, until…
One night, out of the blue, he met his old flame Shimamoto. This unusual encounter made him euphoric. All of a sudden, he looked at his life and thought that despite all that he had, it is empty. He felt compelled to consummate his love with Shimamoto.
Things developed between the two despite the fact that the woman is always unreachable and keep on appearing and disappearing every now and then.
And that’s the weirdest part. The enigmatic woman- unreachable, beautiful and impossible. It is not clear of she’s real or if she’s a ghost or the sublimation of the guy’s imagination. Whatever the case is, it was still hard to trace her, and it simply kills his spirit.
Shimamoto is a true metaphor of that first love- the one that got away. Unreachable. Untraceable. Untouchable. You can’t do anything but linger. And once she or he is gone, it feels like it’s the end of it all. Life is not a dream. First love never really dies. It kills you.
The novel emits the same vibes I feel when I hear my forever favourite song, “Huling El Bimbo”. Never fails to make me cry.
First love ko? Grabe, ‘di ko inaasahan na magiging TL ako sa kanya. Alam kong nababaduyan ka na sa mga sinasabi ko pero
naman ay maintindihan
mo. O pare ko, meron ka bang maipapayo? Kung wala ay okay lang. sana
Hehehe… Aminin, napakanta ka din ano? Kung hindi, well, hindi ka siguro 90’s kid at hindi ka rin fan ng Eraserheads. Ang lungkot naman ng buhay mo. Hahaha! Joke!
Sa first love ko, hanggang tingin, tawanan at ngiti. Suntok sa buwan lang ang mabiyayaan ako ng kanyang labi, ang mahaplos ang kanyang katawan, makasuyo buong gabi, masaya’t magkatabi. Magkayakap sa buong magdamag. Aminin mo, napa-awit ka ulit ano? Kung hindi, eh ano pa ang ginagawa mo dito?
Okay, back to the book.
It’s an easy read, interesting and gives you that eerie surreal Murakami-esque sensation. It will make you conjure from your own heart the memory of the one who got away as salt crystals gracefully fall from your eyes; those pristine droplets of regrets, unspoken pains and ever-sickening youthful yearnings.
At bilang finale, eto ang bagay na awitin para diyan...