Saturday, May 25, 2013

A Box of Botox for my Birthday

Honey, you know me, I don’t really believe in marriage; now Botox on the other hand, that works every time.”- Samantha Jones of Sex and the City

In our flimsy, over-rated glamorous, make-believe society of the new millennium, a new virtue has come that has finally pushed over silicone breasts. glutathione and liposuction- BOTOX.

Botox, ladies and gentlemen. That beloved poison so dear, much beloved than any other fix. A new addiction that is more decent and holier than alcohol, nicotine, or coke. The only thing that would bring you nearer to the achievement and the realization of your fantasy.  Botox, my friends, is the ultimate source of synthetic superficial beauty and that devilish blossoming youth we all desire.

I’m still to young for Botox, actually. Banat pa naman ang mukha ko. It just got my attention. It started with Zai quoting something from Samantha Jones, then all of a sudden I found myself watching Sex and the City, and then I heard Kim Catrall (as Samantha Jones) mentioned something about the virtues of botox. And I couldn’t help myself from obsessing with it.

Kung sa Pilipinas ay ang glorified glutathione ang itinataas, dito big deal ang botox, both for men and women. You see, everything so pumped up today- Plumbago lips, high cheek bones, unbelievably large breasts, and you see all those photoshopped faces- flat and tight and super toned. At maaaring napapag tripan ko ito siguro dahil lately ay napapalibutan ako ng younger people. I see them fresh and blossoming. Naiinggit talaga ako sa fullness ng youth nila.

I swore that by the time I reach 35 I’ll get myself injected with lots and lots of botox! I could trick my body and face to feeling young again. Where would botox lead us? To the fulfilment of our fantasies.

Botox is a thing of phenomenal wonders with so many (lame) virtues. It will keep my face intact and armpits dry kahit under pressure ako at stressed araw-araw. I can have a good pokerface. People will never be able to read my reaction, which is good when you’re playing poker. They will leave me alone because they’ll think I have no soul. At siyempre, mas magiging madalas pa ang pakikipag social climbing ko at gate-crashing sa mga sosyalan at parties.

Botox will guarantee you a smooth glowing skin despite the joys and tragedies of life. You stay on as you are- a passive non-chalant bitch, ever young, and constantly glowing. The dream of eternal youth and beauty is at hand. And you will feel that you are not alone. You will be noticed, desired, envied, and vilified at the same time. But you don’t give a sh*t because your admirers and haters are getting older and uglier as you move on towards the end of your life with grace. And isn’t that fantastic? The promise that you’ll get laid tonight and find yourself in the middle of a four-some with younger guys, or be able to score and date a younger girl, or, in the case of the ultimate douchebaggery combined with supreme perversion, even both.

Say what you want but by the time we’re in our early 50’s I’ll be dating younger ones and sleep around as if I were in my 30’s, hahahaha!

So this is the age where we abandon all intangible values and embrace new fixes, the ultimate alternatives to drugs and alcohol- ancient portals to our fantasies. Botox is proving itself to be the real thing.

We are so insecure of ourselves, and constantly persuaded by modern culture that we’re so unhappy, that life has failed us, that we should feel that vows and commitments have failed and hopeless, and that we should be constantly hungry for love, attention and a lot of wh*re sex. And we start to believe that botox is the alternative, the god who will pull us away from this pool of sh*t.

For example- it is true that marriage doesn’t always lead to phases of exuberant happiness and it will not always leave us prominent laugh lines. On the other hand, botox promises you that after a divorce or separation, there will be a replacement to fill that void because you’re still attractive and unfazed by such tragedy.  We often set our hearts to what is seen, and not on what is eternal.

Vows, marriage, commitments- things that are not seen and require great pains and work, but they guarantee that once they are fulfilled and respected, the will bring enough joy until the day you die.

And botox? How long will it really last? Will money continue to flow in, enough to get you more of it until the day you die? Will there be eternal love, or perpetual replacements and frustrations?

Enough. I’m getting too philosophical and it’s only about botox. Whatever.

Basta sa birthday ko, please saksakan niyo ang mukha ko ng botox!

P. S.

Wag mo masyadong seryosohin ang author. Medyo high ako at the moment. At matagal pa din ang birthday ko.


  1. haha well ako kaya, lage ako nakasimangot ahaha
    bata pa lng ee may marks na sa noo panu pa pagtanda!
    haha pero ayun sana by that time afford ko na ang botox haha!
    kung hindi, pwede kaya plantsa na lng?
    haha anyway happy birthday sa pinaka sincere commentator ng blogosphere!

    1. Salamat sa greeting kahit napakalayo pa ng birthday ko. Hehehehe! Kaya hang bata ka pa eh pagipunan mo na! Hahhaha!

  2. What can I say? I am 50:) i don't think I need botox.i just need the beauty that God provides:)
    Happy birthday in advance:)

    1. Nako mommy joy, kita naman na hindi niyo na talaga kailangan yun.

  3. kung libre lang or mura ang botox, why not! bakit pa ako magpapaka ipokrita ;-)

    1. Basta kapag may nakita ako ng buy one shot and get another for free, ikaw agad ang tatawagan ko. Hahaha!

  4. Sana matry ko din ang botox.. para less pawisan ako..

    1. Ako nga din. Makakatipid pa ako ng deodorant. Haha!

  5. All time fav ni Zai yang Sex and the City, and Samantha ang pinaka-atat sa pagiging looking young, sabagay siya pinakamatanda sa apat.. Grabe lang yung pag-build up mo sa botox, pwede kang sales rep dun, haha.. pero parang nag-iba ka ng stand sa latter part e? I feel like I won't need botox.. patay ka sa confidence level ko, haha.. kelan talaga ang bday mo?

    1. Oo nga eh. If it wasn't for Zai eh hindi ko mapanood yung movie. I admit it- i enjoyed the two movies, hahahaha!

      Natawa kasi ako dun sa sinabi ni Samantha about botox. At the nd of the day mawawalan ka din ng gana sa botox na yan eh. At hindi pa ako handa na i-reveal ang mga personal data ko. Hehehe!

  6. I can say that this is the most profound entry I have ever read about Botox :) Gave me an idea that I should be open to having Botox in my face in case (most likely) that I need it in the future :)

    Ang galing ni Samantha no, she is a woman of wise words :)

  7. Viva Samantha Jones! Hahahaha!

  8. Kung patay ka sa confidence level ni Joanne sakin double dead ka! I DON'T NEED BOTOX until now that I'm nearing my golden age ha ha :P

    "Plumbago lips, high cheek bones, unbelievably large breasts" ba kamo? - I have all of them without cost but a natural gift from God - aha ha ha TRIPLE DEAD na lolz.

    Share na ng birthday info ;)


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