Friday, May 31, 2013

The Edge of Orgasmic Glory

Kulang lang sa ‘intimate action’ ako kaya siguro puro oozing with sexual innuendos ang mga recent posts ko. Hahaha! No, this one is a sequel to my Masokista entry.

The thing is, ilang taon ding pagpapahagupit ang kinailangan bago ako mapalapit sa orgasmic peak of promotion.



Yes, ladies and gentlemen, ang dating masokista ay malapit nang maging master sadista sa trabaho! Na-offer sakin ng bagong boss namin. Napaisip tuloy ako when she mentioned it to me. Kung dati, simpleng aliping sagigilid lang ako pero ang dami kong responsibilidad. Dagdag pa dun ang charity work at mga pro bono para sa capitalist boss namin, how much more kung part na ako ng management? Ano na kaya mangyayari sa buhay ko kung isa na din akong sadista tulad ng mga superiors ko?

First day, nung nag start na ang training ko eh total bondage ang nangyari pa sa trabaho. Mas humaba ang mga oras ko, at halos matuyo ang utak ko, kahit hindi puhunan ang intellect sa trabaho.

Pero ganun pa man eh excited na rin ako makakita ng malaking sweldo sa account ko.

Sana naging normal ang buhay single ko, tulad ng ibang binata na pagkasweldo eh gimik at shopping agad ang pinapatakan ng salary. Pero bills agad ang nasa isip ko- binabaybay ang mga bayarin sa car insurance at pangangailangan ng kotse, other bills, utang, financial commitments sa kung anu-ano (querida, boytoy, kabit, at limang panganay, hahaha! Joke lang!), at marami pang iba.

Even though I have low tolerance for stress, eh tinanggap ko na rin, dahil mag upgrade na ang financial capacity ko! Plus puede ko na taasan yung quota ko dun sa sinusuportahan kong organization.  

Hindi naman ako mahilig sa luho. Naghihintay na nga lang din ako na abutan ng mga kung anu-anong gamit. Yung cellphone ko donation lang ng kamag-anak ko, kahit luma eh ok na rin. Si papa ibinigay na sa akin yung tablet ni mama, kaya pa-touchscreen touchscreen na rin ako pag may time. Hahaha! Well, sabi nila, God will provide for all your needs. 

By the way, kung maraming typographical errors sorry na rin. Ang hirap mag sulat sa tab.


Anyway, kahit maraming responsibilidad at maraming trabaho eh nagpapasalamat na rin ko sa promotion. I hope makapasa ako sa 6-month training. Aja! Sugod towards the edge of orgasmic glory!!!!

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The Boy Who Cried Rhinoplasty

Since napag-usapan na din ang cosmetic surgery at ang botox, let’s talk about rhinoplasty or nose job. When I was in highschool sa Pinas, I started a rumor na retokado ang ilong ko. KSP ako at wala din kasi ako magawa noon. I was so curious din kung ano ang magiging reaction ng mga students.

I was quite proud of my nose back then because it has that aquiline shape. Although galing ako sa isang pure-blooded Filipino family, for some reason matangos ang ilong ko.



Minsan nagtanong yung classmate ko kung tunay ba ang ilong ko. I looked at her with that face that seems to be hiding a dirty secret. Sinabo ko na lang sa kanya ay ganito, “30,000 pesos”, sabay haplos sa ilong. I told her na wag nang ipagsasabi ang sekreto na yon.

Bumilog ang mga mata ni ate at nangati bigla ang dila. So ayun, kumalat na sa buong campus. Kagat agad sila sa kwento, without even thinking na hindi puede mag pa plastic surgery ang isang 13-year-old na teenager. Well, madami talagang naïve sa mundo, but I guess because they were simply teenagers, like me.

So ayun, pinagtawanan ako dahil unnatural daw yung ilong ko. Yung iba humanga naman. But almost every body started having a high opinion of me, classifying me as one of those sosyalerong conyo ng school because I could afford something like that. Hindi nila alam eh isang pobre lang talaga ako. Pinagtatawanan ko silang lahat secretly.

Hindi nagtagal eh na realize din nila na hindi totoo yung kwento. Hindi naman din nila alam na nagmula din sa akin yung story.  Nevertheless, the gossip allowed me to have a certain degree of publicity. The following year, I got elected as representative of the sophomores to the student council. Ah, the wonders a simple lie can make. Bwahahaha! I am definitely a senator in the making. Hahahaha

Saturday, May 25, 2013

A Box of Botox for my Birthday

  
Honey, you know me, I don’t really believe in marriage; now Botox on the other hand, that works every time.”- Samantha Jones of Sex and the City

In our flimsy, over-rated glamorous, make-believe society of the new millennium, a new virtue has come that has finally pushed over silicone breasts. glutathione and liposuction- BOTOX.



Botox, ladies and gentlemen. That beloved poison so dear, much beloved than any other fix. A new addiction that is more decent and holier than alcohol, nicotine, or coke. The only thing that would bring you nearer to the achievement and the realization of your fantasy.  Botox, my friends, is the ultimate source of synthetic superficial beauty and that devilish blossoming youth we all desire.

I’m still to young for Botox, actually. Banat pa naman ang mukha ko. It just got my attention. It started with Zai quoting something from Samantha Jones, then all of a sudden I found myself watching Sex and the City, and then I heard Kim Catrall (as Samantha Jones) mentioned something about the virtues of botox. And I couldn’t help myself from obsessing with it.

Kung sa Pilipinas ay ang glorified glutathione ang itinataas, dito big deal ang botox, both for men and women. You see, everything so pumped up today- Plumbago lips, high cheek bones, unbelievably large breasts, and you see all those photoshopped faces- flat and tight and super toned. At maaaring napapag tripan ko ito siguro dahil lately ay napapalibutan ako ng younger people. I see them fresh and blossoming. Naiinggit talaga ako sa fullness ng youth nila.

I swore that by the time I reach 35 I’ll get myself injected with lots and lots of botox! I could trick my body and face to feeling young again. Where would botox lead us? To the fulfilment of our fantasies.

Botox is a thing of phenomenal wonders with so many (lame) virtues. It will keep my face intact and armpits dry kahit under pressure ako at stressed araw-araw. I can have a good pokerface. People will never be able to read my reaction, which is good when you’re playing poker. They will leave me alone because they’ll think I have no soul. At siyempre, mas magiging madalas pa ang pakikipag social climbing ko at gate-crashing sa mga sosyalan at parties.

Botox will guarantee you a smooth glowing skin despite the joys and tragedies of life. You stay on as you are- a passive non-chalant bitch, ever young, and constantly glowing. The dream of eternal youth and beauty is at hand. And you will feel that you are not alone. You will be noticed, desired, envied, and vilified at the same time. But you don’t give a sh*t because your admirers and haters are getting older and uglier as you move on towards the end of your life with grace. And isn’t that fantastic? The promise that you’ll get laid tonight and find yourself in the middle of a four-some with younger guys, or be able to score and date a younger girl, or, in the case of the ultimate douchebaggery combined with supreme perversion, even both.

Say what you want but by the time we’re in our early 50’s I’ll be dating younger ones and sleep around as if I were in my 30’s, hahahaha!

So this is the age where we abandon all intangible values and embrace new fixes, the ultimate alternatives to drugs and alcohol- ancient portals to our fantasies. Botox is proving itself to be the real thing.

We are so insecure of ourselves, and constantly persuaded by modern culture that we’re so unhappy, that life has failed us, that we should feel that vows and commitments have failed and hopeless, and that we should be constantly hungry for love, attention and a lot of wh*re sex. And we start to believe that botox is the alternative, the god who will pull us away from this pool of sh*t.

For example- it is true that marriage doesn’t always lead to phases of exuberant happiness and it will not always leave us prominent laugh lines. On the other hand, botox promises you that after a divorce or separation, there will be a replacement to fill that void because you’re still attractive and unfazed by such tragedy.  We often set our hearts to what is seen, and not on what is eternal.

Vows, marriage, commitments- things that are not seen and require great pains and work, but they guarantee that once they are fulfilled and respected, the will bring enough joy until the day you die.

And botox? How long will it really last? Will money continue to flow in, enough to get you more of it until the day you die? Will there be eternal love, or perpetual replacements and frustrations?

Enough. I’m getting too philosophical and it’s only about botox. Whatever.

Basta sa birthday ko, please saksakan niyo ang mukha ko ng botox!


P. S.

Wag mo masyadong seryosohin ang author. Medyo high ako at the moment. At matagal pa din ang birthday ko.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Masokista- part 02 (Shabu pa ulit!)

Isa akong aliping sagigilid. I don’t like my job. Never had. Never will. What makes it really insufferable is that this little kingdom to which I was destined to suffer is the crowning glory of the empire of one of the leading Florentine capitalists.

www.luvcube.com


At dahil diyan, paboritong tambayan ito ng mga auditors, ng COO at ng CEO.

And every time that we are notified about their visits there will be an orgy of cleaning up and putting things in order, crazy hours of working, at malupit na mga over-time.

Hindi diyan nawawala ang power-tripping ng mga superiors namin- verbal abuse silently sanctioned by the emperor himself, sermonan, sabayang bigkas ng mga utos, at making the impossible possible.

Ang inyong lingkod ay hindi lumalaban at sumasagot, kahit sa loob ng isipan ko ay na-massacre ko na silang lahat. Tinitiis ko na silang lahat dahil walang ibang available na trabaho dito. Mismong mga Italyano nga nag-migrate din.

Kaya lagi akong naka “Yes sir. Yes ma’am.”

Kulang na lang eh ma-legalize ang panghahagupit ng latigo ng mga power-trippers sa mga employee at ako ay maging submissive man whore.

May pagka masokista din naman ako. Oo lang ako ng oo. At humingi pa nga ako ng mas maraming responsibilidad for the same pay. Jack of all trades. Lahat gagawin, at kahit anong position puede! And I will never say no until I reach the orgasmic peak of promotion.


Sige pa! Hit me harder! Yeah! Shabu pa! 

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Masokista part 1 (Shabu pa!)


It was the perfect afternoon in spring. It was the perfect villa on a hill with the most spectacular Tuscan view of the hills and cypress trees under a beautiful cloudy sky. It was the perfect wedding. And I was the perfect idiot/masochist/that bastard who’s now licking his wounds like a dog. Yes, I went to my ex’s wedding.



Pumunta naman ako dun ng walang hard-feelings. We’ve already established in my earlier posts na naka move-on na ako at masaya talaga ako para sa kanya. We’re really friends na lang.

Kung sa ibang tao, hindi na sila pupunta sa wedding ng mga ex nila. One time someone told me na bigayn ko naman daw ng dinity ang sarili ko. But I believe in that if you’re in good terms with your ex and if you both belong in the same church, I guess it is only but civil for an ex-boyfriend to show up.

Okay na sana ‘yun nga lang, hindi maiiwasan ang mga biro at kantsawan ng ibang mga bisita. The most terrible moment was when the minister pronounced the traditional question na kung may tututol pa. Tumayo na nga ako sa pinaka likod pero kukulbitin, sisikuhan at gagawan pa ng song line-up ng mga kanta ng desperado. I wasn’t really pissed off or anything. I was quite cool with it.

Kaya ako ganon, siguro dahil na din sa mga pambababoy at kabalastugan ng ibang taong idinudulot sa akin, na akala mo’y ako na ang nagmamaka-awa na yurakan ang pagkatao ko.

Kaya naman sa mga pagkakataon na iyon eh keri na keri ko lang ang mga biro at pang-aasar. If I had it my way eh aawitin ko pa ang dati naming theme song. Pero baka masira ng todo todo ang araw ng lahat. God knows what I’m capable of the moment I try to forget this existence.

So masokista talaga ako (shabu pa!). But I’m really happy for ex. I thought, kung hindi ko pa siya iniwan noon, marahil ay six years ko na siyang pinaghihintay. I looked around and it was a really great feast and celebration of the joining of two hearts.

At the end of the day I was so proud of myself. Good friends are always happy for your own happiness. And I was really happy for her despite our history. And I was so cool about everything because I had no intention of being a nuisance guest. And I realized that I’ve hardened myself enough to crave attention and insults like a masochistic bitch who so high in shabu that I’m asking to be treated really bad.

Come on! Hit me baby one more time!

Friday, May 10, 2013

Tinimbang Ngunit Kulang


Marami sa mga senatorial candidates ang hindi  nakarating sa demand ng timabangan. But there’s one particular candidate ang kulang na kulang, a nuisance candidate for excellence- NANCY BINAY.

Many of bloggers, journalists, writers at mga political critics ang naiinis kay Nancy Binay. Why? Dahil she’s about to get one of the best things in life without sweating it like others, because she’s obviously over-shadowed by the Binay magic.



She’s been the Vice President’s assistant for many years. I know nothing of her educational background. And all I know about her platform is that she’s advocating the rights and privileges of kids and mothers, like her.

Nanay de pamilya nga sa Senado eh.

Yung iba dumanas ng maraming paghihirap at mga battles sa mga kalsada at sa loob ng mga institusyon. Ang ilan ay nagpakita ng kanilang pagmamahal sa bayan sa pagpapaunlad ng kanilang kapwa at mga komunidad. Si Nancy?

Kung hindi niya kasing galing ang mga ibang pinagpipitagan nating kandidato, bakit isa siya sa mga nangunguna sa surveys? Bakit maraming tao ang isinisigaw ang kanyang pangalan?

It’s not really fair na i-question natin ang kanyang kakayanan o kalayaan na tumakbo sa senatorial race. Walang provision sa Saligang Batas ang pumipigil sa mga katulad niya na tumakbo sa pulitika.

Kung tatakbo siya bilang konsehal, ganun pa rin naman ang itatanong natin- ano ang alam niya?

We hate her because she might win, not because of her intelligence, nor her capacity to deliver, nor even her character. She might win because of her name, and for us, it’s quite unfair for other candidates with unpopular surnames.

No background or whatsoever. Why let her run for a public office? Mabuti pa ay ipahayag na lang natin ang mabubuting gawa at plataporma ng ating mga kandidato kaysa durugin ang kanyang reputation sa ating mga blog.

After all, in 1987 we put in the highest office of the land a woman, a mere housewife who never had any experience in politics, who bore a son who is now sitting in the highest seat of the land noynoying all the way until 2016. Tapos ganyan na lang ang galit natin kay Nancy?



Saturday, May 04, 2013

My Magic 12- Ang Mga Bigatin


I’m not sure if it’s a good idea na ipakita sa publiko ang mga taong ibinoto ko. Sabi nga ‘the vote is sacred’. But I think it’s more like having the option of keeping one’s vote secret and not be obligated by anybody to show one’s preferences. At the same time, mayroon din naman akong kalayaan na ihayag din ang mga taong ibinoto ko.

Maaga ang botohan dito sa abroad. Postal system kasi o di kaya ay puede naming dalhin ang official ballot namin sa Philippine Consulate or Philippine Embassy on a specific date.

Choosing the best is not easy. It’s really a tough balancing act. May mga taong it seems na ok na ok pero questionable ang mga policies at platform, may ilan din na black-listed na sa akin pero pinagbigyan ko pa rin.

So ito ang 12 candidates na tinimbang at mga tunay na bigatin among the 33.

1.      Risa Hontiveros- Maganda ang laban. Maganda din kasi. Nakakatamad nang manood ng Senate debates kung puro pangit na, tapos puro trash talk pa. Apart from the fact na may maganda eh may utak din.



Ibinoto ko siya dahil I have a soft spot for activists, yung mga street parliamentarians. Dati din siyang journalist and then she entered Congress through Akbayan party-list.

Sa Kongreso, ipinasa niya ang Cheaper Medicines Law, CARPER Law, Anti-Prostitution Bill (to the dismay of many bigots and Church-backed macho legislators and their queridas), Gender Balance Bill (for the emancipation of women), and Students’ Rights and Welfare Bill. Isa din siya sa mga important personalities behind the Reproductive Health Bill.

Minsan nakabangga na niya si Miriam noon. Pero I remember during the impeachment trial ni Corona, the dragon-lady commended Hontiveros, pagpapakita na may utak at galing talaga siya.

I think she was also a member of the peace panel talks with the NDF. We need someone who can communicate with adversaries, not some macho military legislator-kuno guy who acts like a negotiator but in fact, he’s a disgraced sloppy diplomat.

She’s running under the administration’s coalition, something that’s so unlikely of an activist. She’s now part of the establishment. Pero sabi nga niya "The establishment is a space to challenge, to push the limists to reform, to transform... Let's transform it in our own image and likeness.”

2.      Teddy Casiño- Here’s another street parliamentarian. An activist and a true representative of the minority, this guy from UPLB has been fighting for the rights of the poor and for the progress of the country.  He studied agriculture, kaya mas naiintindihan niya kung paano ma maximize ang potentials ng lupa at natural resources ng Pilipinas.



He authored important laws such as The Public Attorneys Act of 2007 which expanded free legal services for the poor, the Tax Relief Act of 2009 which exempts minimum wage earners from withholding taxes, Rent Control Act of 2009, and Anti-Torture Act of 2009.

Kaunti lang ang absences niya hind katulad ni Enrile Jr. na halos hindi na talaga nagtatrabaho sa Kongreso.

He’s a relentless fighter against corruption and government abuse. Maraming may ayaw sa kanya dahil komunista daw siya. He admitted that he’s a leftist, but his way of reforming the government is not through bullets but through ballots and legislation.

3.      Baldomero Falcone- senatorial candidate of the Democratic Party of the Philippines. He’s a business consultant. He was never elected to any public office. However, he’s active in NGO projects and programs in helping the poor by giving decent jobs and housing to the poor. This is not your typical politician who hands out millions of pesos to non-existing NGOs.



He has a big heart for the people, especially the Visayans, who makes up a considerable fraction of our population. He said in an interview that he wants to be the voice of the Visayans in the Senate. And he has this great idea in mind- SECURITIZATION, which will boost the economy and help provinces to be progressive. Kayo na mag research kung ano yon.

4.      Ricardo Penson- He’s a business executive and a social activist. He is currently the CEO of Ausphil Tollways Co. He’s an advocate against political dynasties in the Philippines. He has formed the Krusada Kontra Dynasty. He said that if he becomes senator, he will push for that bill, and if it fails to become law he will resign. Hmmmm… mabibigat na salita yun ah. He’s also pro-divorce, since he himself is separated four times.



5.      Greco Belgica- I shouldn’t vote for him. He’s an anti-RH Law. His views regarding divorce is questionable (legally and doctrinally speaking, I find his views really unnerving).  He’s a pastor too. I ruled out from my list all candidates who are running with religiously inspired platform.



But I made some exceptions, and out came Belgica. So why him? He’s young-blood and he might bring new ideas and a different perspective in the Senate. He has studied here and abroad from well-known schools. He’s pro-death penalty. And he’s running under the Democratic Party of the Philippines.

He’s also promoting an interesting tax reform that might help the country- FLAT TAX. Lahat ng tax pare-pareho lang. According to him, many progressive European nations have adopted this system. I’m quite sceptical with such reform, pero sige, isabak na natin. We’ve tried many things and reformed the tax system many times. Let’s try something revolutionary.

As track-record, well, dati siyang councillor sa Manila. Okay na rin, at least he has an idea of how the political game is done.

6.      Alan Peter Cayetano- This is what you get in a country where there are a lot of suckers- a list of same old names. But in my opinion, the Cayetano siblings have shown their independence, even though they are a dynasty. Wala na talaga ako mapagpilian. But I like the guy because he has balls. Sino makapagsasabi na tatayo ang lalaking ito to defy something like Enrile the Institution? And as we all have seen, he’s a very scrutinizing senator and have fought bitterly against corrupt officials such as Erap and GMA.



7.      Dick Gordon- His head is full of ideas. When he opens his mouth, well, he talks a lot. He’s a very assertive person, and a very passionate one. I’m voting for him because he is someone who is willing to bring a bill in the Senate floor and stand up for an intelligent debate. He has an impressive track-record dating back from when he became a delegate in the 1971 Constitutional Convention. I see him less of a reformer but more of a builder. He’s a visionary who is eager to build up the nation and set the paths of the people straight. Quite a strong personality.



8.      Ed Hagedorn- Puerta Prinsesa sounded like a legend until Ed Hagedorn came and made this place a real piece of heaven on earth. In an interview with Karen Davila, he admitted many of his dark past- logging, illegal gambling operations. But it seems that he mended his ways by doing everything legal for the sake of Puerto Prinsesa City.



Now he’s one of the best progressive politicians of the country who have become staunch environmentalists. He typifies a kind of leadership that harmonizes environment and development. I think he’s some sort of a trapo too.

I believe he can do a lot in making laws regarding the environment and upgrading the local government.

He admitted that he doesn’t possess sophisticated skills in legislation. But that’s okay. We’ve had two Revillas, a Lapid, a Sotto, a Pacquiao, and an Estrada. He’s a lot better than the macho bloc of the Senate. He just has to make sure na kukuha siya ng isang speech-writer na may imagination, hindi yung may degree mula sa isang sikat na university pero walang alam kundi mangopya ng speech ng ibang tao.

9.      Cynthia Villar- I have put this lady in my black-list. But I gave her another chance and watched an interview with her. And it turned out that apart from the fact that she has a low opinion of ‘room nurses’ and an anti-RH Law, it’s hard to deny that the woman is handing out jobs and opportunities for women, the youth and the poor.



One reason why she got my vote is that she understood the frustrations of OFW’s who are insufficiently supported and inefficiently assisted by the DFA and DOLE. She wants a Department of OFW’s. She is the only candidate whom I have heard to acknowledge the importance of OFW’s as citizens and not mere human exports.

If you go and do a background check sa website ng Congress you will see that she filed bills that favour education, the youth and women, and the poor. She doesn’t live in the shadow of her husband.

10. Edgardo Angara- Again, here’s another dynasty. Forgive me pero wala na talaga eh. Pero wala naman din siguro masama. He was part of the prosecution team during the Corona Impeachment Trial. A very smart guy (studied in UP, Harvard Law School, London School of Economics and Political Science) with good looks as well (oo, bumoto sa pogi para mawala na ang mga panget sa Senado! Hahaha).



As a congressman, 10 of the bills he filed have become laws of the land. He’s also an advocate of educational reform. He was one of the Ten Outstanding Young Men of 2010 for his hard-work in Congress and his advocacy.

11.  Mitos Magsaysay- I hated this woman because she was a pro-administration legislator during GMA’s tenure. She’s anti-RH, anti-divorce, and seems to be investing so much on the Catholic vote (bakit hindi na lang sumama ito sa Kapatiran Party?), so why am I voting for her?

Because she’s a hard-hitting b*tch, a feisty legislator, and a maverick, and she is the ideal senator for the Aquino Administration.



She has proven to be a staunch critic of the President, especially his cabinet officials. I do not trust many of our cabinet secretaries. Kung puro kabarkada nila ang kaharap nila sa mga committee hearings at budget hearings, eh mabilis makakalusot ang mga kagaguhan ng ilan. Since Magsaysay is very keen in scrutinizing them, makakasigurado tayo na itutuwid niya ang mga ‘kakaibang daang matuwid’ ng mga gago sa iba’t-ibang deparments.

12.  Ernesto Maceda- Finding the last candidate was hard. Kasi nga kakaunti ang alternative. Pero kinuha ko na din si Manong. Age shouldn’t be an issue. Matanda man eh may ibubuga pa rin. What else can I say? Maliit pa akong political critter eh naririnig ko na ang pangalan niya. He was a former senate president and during his tenure, maraming batas silang naipasa.



Hard-working and his track-record is not only impressive but also illustrious. In the past, he has set himself apart from tyrants and corrupt. He was a brilliant political figure during the Aquino administration, and an important leader in the succeeding administrations. He was and is known as Mister Exposé.

Now Manong wants to come back to the Senate. And I say yes! Let’s put some brains and expertise in the Senate!