Thursday, November 27, 2014

The Heir, the Only Begotten Gay Son

The men of my family were known to be serial womanizers- some were notorious and some were subtle in keeping their mistresses. And just like any other male species, they are proud of this trait, or sometimes they conceal their pleasure of being notoriously known for their despicable behaviour.

It was said that my grandfather started it. He was tall, dark and handsome. Many girls secretly desired him and aspired to be his wife. With tenacious faith and fervent prayers in the church, my grandma succeeded in stealing away his heart. She thought that she was lucky because she married somebody who was handsome, and above all, somebody who had a land and a big house. Here’s the catch when one marries a handsome and clever guy- he may be fond of forbidden liaisons. And that was the case.

Wits and suave moves were definitely irresistible at the time. And possessing these made my grandfather a shrewd playboy. But grandma wasn’t a drama queen. Whenever she suspects him to have flirted with a woman, she would invite my grandfather in our basement so she could confront him calmly.

I think it was during the Marcos years when my grandmother found out my grandfather’s secret. She found out, through her cousin who worked for the government, that my grandfather sired a child with a young woman who lived in the woods, one of those peasant farmers who worked for tenants like my grandfather. This woman came to the Municipio to register the birth of her son. The woman named my grandfather as the father of the child. I think my grandfather never took responsibility of the boy. When my grandmother confronted him, he was outraged and went away. He took his shot-gun and when to the woods to hunt. Perhaps he thought of shooting the one who spilled the beans. But thank God, when he returned, he wasn’t carrying a human head, but a deer.

After that, my grandmother, like any other pious and subservient Filipina, rest her case and never brought up the issue again, until now, because his man is now buried six feet under.

Then there’s my grandfather’s younger brother. He was the classic pilyo, with his fair skin, wavy hair, and a charismatic smile. He’s the adventurous kind- adventurous in gambling, in local politics, and a classic adventurer in every woman’s cave. He married a woman who gave him three sons and two daughters. And later on in his life he had a young mistress who bore him, I think, two other children. When the secret was found out, it was the most devastating storm that hit his household.

And then there’s my father and my uncle. These two were bestfriends when they were young. My father, being the eldest was the big brother who taught my uncle many things, especially about women.

I used to think that my father was just like any average guy- many girlfriends but would eventually settle with one woman. He did. But I was kind of surprised when my mother told me that she believes my father has a child with another woman before they got married.

Now I believe now why my uncle said that in their generation of the family, it was my father who started it, the way my grandfather paved the way for the men of the family to become douchebags. He said that my father taught him the ways of a ladies’ man.
When my father reached a certain age and maturity, maybe in his thirties, he became a loving and faithful husband. As for his disciple, my uncle, he’s an asshole until now.

Every time I visit my relatives in Milan, he would be there and he would tease me and the other folks that I am such a loser, having no girlfriend at my marriageable age. “Or maybe you’re gay?”, followed by a roaring laughter. He would boast of his conquests and my father’s prowess on being a bolero with the ladies. 

I hated those moments when they were scrutinizing my private life. Because nothing should be private in our big family. Our personal conquests must add to whatever reputation my family has. But now I look at him and see how pathetic he has become- bragging of being a habulin ng babae while his children and wife are slowly distancing themselves from this padre de familia. The only thing positive about his infidelity is that he hasn’t yet fathered a child with one of his many ugly mistresses nor caught any venereal disease.

And this is just my father’s side of the family. You still haven’t heard about my hedonistic uncles in my mother’s side of the family. All three uncles- guilty of infidelity.

In the past they may have bragged about it or carried the reputation as badge of honor. Now, as the whole family has converted to Protestantism, they have all changed their lives and thinking, except for one uncle who is now separated from his wife and childred.

And this made me think, is it possible that God destined me to be gay because there should be someone who would atone for the sins of our forefathers?

I am the eldest on both sides- the apple of the eyes of the family, the great hope who would carry on the thriving name as the legitimate heir apparent, the pride of our fathers. As of now, there are only two of us who are going to carry the family’s name, and I happen to be gay. As much as I want to carry on the legacy, I cannot procreate through natural means with a woman. And the thing is, there are great expectations from the first-born, especially to the Prime First-Born, the legitimate one (yes, this is self-aggrandizement. I speak as if were the royal family of Laguna, or one of the remaining old patrician families of the country).

The alpha-males are all producing girls- virtuous, smart, and the most distinctive attribute of the clan- gallantly proud. But no boy, except for my father and his disciple.

My cousin is showing the symptoms of a chronic babaero. Perhaps there’s hope for our fathers. He may sire ten first-born males. But with me, nada.

It occurred to me this thought of being the sacrificial lamb one day when I was reading the Bible (unbelievable right?).  I read a passage about the death of Solomon’s first born as the result of his adultery, and how God punished sinners up to the third and fourth generations.

Am I the one to atone the adultery of my forefathers? Why is it that these padres de familia, in all their gloriously divinely appointed power and authority over the family, could not redeem themselves? And why should I be the one responsible in cleaning up all their shit? Why am I to become the sore blight that was inflicted upon the family’s pride?

My dear readers (if you actually read this entry) these are just some of the questions I have reserved for God, but if you have the answers, please help me clear my thoughts, because a therapist is too costly, and the Holy Scripture has made me nauseous. 

The Story of a Dark Lord and Some Chinese Merchants

Not so long ago, some merchants from the east built a beautiful palace near the borders of the City of Hopefuls. These Chinese merchants named the palace the Pearl of Dreams. Inside the palace were apartments, big and small, where people could live a happy life with their family.

These merchants were trying to sell these apartments to the Hopeful citizens.

One day, as they were having tea, an ambassador from the nearby Principality of Avarizia came to visit them, carrying with him a letter from the Dark Prince.

The pompous Dark Lord of the other realm proposed to include the land where the Pearl of Dreams stood into his realm. In this manner, the people who live in that palace will enjoy the graces of the Dark Lord and find happiness in the bounty of the prince. On one condition, the merchants must give the best suites and chambers to the Dark Lord.

The merchants refused the proposal, because they felt they were going to be cheated and threatened at the same time. The family of the Dark Prince was known to be born with demonic greed and insatiable thirst for power and riches. Despite the immaculate and shining appearance of his realm, some merchants are never fooled by the perfidious tricks of the Dark Prince and his dark heirs.

The ambassador from the Realm of Avarizia never returned. Trading with the principality became even more difficult as it was frustrated by the evil powers of the Dark Lord. Soon the palace of the Pearl of Dreams started losing its glorious beauty and promises. The Hopeful citizens lost all their hopes. It was never a good idea to refuse the Dark Lord’s demands.

The merchants from East asked themselves if they made the right choice. They shook their heads and left the city, leaving behind the citizens of the City of Hopeful, a realm living near the menacing powers of the Dark Lord.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Rome in a Day...

Para sa mga taong in- denial sa kahit anong issue sa buhay... may restaurant na para sa inyo dito sa Rome... hahahaha!

Friday, November 07, 2014

That Sound in My Head...

I’ve been hit many times by LSS, or the Last Song Syndrome. LSS happens when you hear a random song and it gets stuck in your head, playing on and on for more than an hour. It could last from 4 hours to almost a week.

I did some research and I found out that there’s actually another term
for this. It is generally known as earworm. According to the most reliable info generator, Wikipedia (hehehehe….), earworm is from the German word Ohrwurm. It’s a portion of a song or other music that repeats compulsively within one's mind, put colloquially as "music being stuck in one's head."

This happens to me a lot of times.

I have listed down some of the weirdest songs which strangely got stuck in my head. Most of them are songs which I never thought that I would listen to in my entire life….

  1. Pokerface by Lady Gaga- the song eventually converted me into becoming a Gaga fan. One month torture. Ruined me for good.
  1. Boys Don’t Cry by The Cure- I love listening to this song while I’m driving. Dunno why.
  2. Bohemian Like You by Dandy Warhols- kept playing in my head for two days.
  1. Across the Universe by The Beatles- makes me feel like I’m always high. Kept playing in my head only in the mornings for one week.
  1. Killamangiro by Pete Doherty- one day lang.
  1. Bizarre Love Triangle by Frente!- yeah, the cheesy romanticism of the 90’s, the good ol’ days. Two or three days in my head but it was okay.
  1. Piece of my Heart by Janis Joplin- my ever beloved queen of rock. One day in my head
  1. First Day High by Kamikazee- played in my head during first day at work, kahit hindi sa school.
  1. Torete by Moonstar88- causes you to be gloomy and sentimental. Darn it! Every now and then it comes back to torture me.
  1. Dreams by Richard Sanderson- overheard this from a commercial and the rest is history. Thank God it doesn’t come back anymore!
  1. Secretly by Skunk Anansie- for some reasons the song hit me right into the core.
  1. Kapayapaan by Tropical Depression- one summer I remembered this song while thinking of killing someone. Seriously. And it kept on going in my brain.
  1. This Time The Dream’s On Me by Ella Fitzgerald- it was one of those nights….
  1. What’s in a Kiss? by Gilbert O’Sullivan- and to be honest, I still listen to this 70’s hit song.
  1. Sukiyaki by Kyu Sakamoto- the original one. I was reading books by Haruki Murakami, and probably the main reason why this song got stuck in my head for more than two weeks.
  1. Io Che Non Vivo by Pepino di Capri- heard it from the radio when I was working in a shoe shop. The owner was an old guy who listened to Italian old songs. It was contagious!

  1. Anything You Want by Roy Orbison- got this after watching the movie Boys on the Side. Three days of torture.
  1. Words Don’t Come Easy by F.R. David- eto na yata todo sa kabaduyan na tumama sa akin ng LSS! It was so lethal it caused me to write the lyrics of the song on the wall of my room!
  1. What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes
  1. Ave Maria sung by Maria Callas- after watching the documentary on her.

Yes, I know. I do have a very strange mental process.

There are songs which are really malignant (Lady Gaga’s song) and no cure is yet found to stop them. Other remedies are downloading the song to your mp3 and listen to it until you get sick and tired (literally) listening to it or like what I did one time, write down the lyrics on the wall or on a piece of paper.

But I’m sure, most of the time you’ll be hit by LSS with some of the best songs that will make you feel blissful and inspired. Others may turn you into a complete moronic emo. Or others might just infuriate you while you’re working or studying.

And here’s one thing that you should know: the moment Lady Gaga’s song begins to play in your head, there is no turning back. What? Oh my? You can hear….. in your head…. Do what you want with my body! …. Welcome you little monster! Harharhar….

Thursday, November 06, 2014

And Speaking of Save the Dates- Weddings!

Next year it’s going to be the year of weddings in our family. My trip back to the Philippines was said to be a vacation but the whole family is actually organizing everything for my sister’s wedding and a bulungan. For those who do not know what a bulungan is, it’s a huddle of the groom-to-be’s family and the bride-to-be’s family to settle arguments and disputes regarding the wedding ceremony (if there are any), the expenses, and the polishing of traditions upheld by both families.

They’re actually fast-tracking this because our family’s remaining matriarch, my beloved grandmother, is still alive and her blessing and consent is badly needed.

We sound like we are some sort of a patrician Chinese-Filipino family. I’d like to think of it that way, but no. They just want everything to be smooth because the future husband and wife have no clear ideas. In my opinion, it’s bound to be stressful and will be full of bickering.

That’s why I decided not to join the bandwagon and go fuck myself somewhere else. On January I’m going to my cousin’s wedding in Ilocos, and it’s quite a dilemma for me- it’s a beach wedding. What am I supposed to wear? Barong-tagalog and a swimming suit? Bahala na!

Since two members of our family are getting married, people are asking why I am still single?

And there you go. I asked God for patience and to remind me the 6th Commandment, because otherwise, there will be merciless genocide.

And then there are those people of our church who believe that the Almighty never authored singlehood, thus it is the devil’s curse, and therefore should be exorcised. These are people who do not believe in the impossible because in God everything is possible, but they are always desperate to pair up people like me. Well, thank you for being concerned, here’s my middle finger and fuck yourself with it.

It’s really annoying whenever they say that they are just concerned. So they’ll put me up in some occasions so I can meet these girls. Beautiful and fabulous girls.

Then these church people would ask me, “What do you think of that girl?”. And I’d say “Fabulous!”. Now the word fabulous coming out of a guy’s mouth- that shouts cock-sucker. But they really don’t get it sometimes.

I can’t get married. Not here in Italy where the government is full of bigots. Not in the Philippines where people are more concerned with Binay’s farm, the honour of serial womanizers in the Senate, than our dream of walking down the aisle in a white suit like a virginal angel with an untouched asshole.

And besides for now, I need money. It’s always cheaper to indulge in the pleasures of my own palm than spend money on clothes and drinks and spend lots and lots of time working out and looking good just to get a random fuck for the night, hoping that it’s true love, only to realize it the following day that you won’t find love in bars and that it’s really absurd to prepare breakfast for some random asshole.

Save the Date

November 1 will be quite unforgettable. That’s the day I ruined the lives of four people in just one day. Yes, I am the ultimate curse for anybody who are going out on a date, and if I ever happen to be in your orbit, then shit’s gonna happen to you; unless we were destined to be at odds.

I was late for work and because of that, my colleague couldn’t leave and go out with her date. She had to call our director who was out on a dinner date with her fiancé (it was their anniversary). Four people were so fucking angry with me.

And I can do that. It’s not skill or talent. It’s a fucking gift goddamn it!

So that was the first day of November for me.

I really can’t help it. Being late is part of my genetic build up.

The following day our director came up to me and said that next time it happens it’s suspension for me. I just shut my mouth and said, ok. After all, I ruined her anniversary (seriously, November 1?) and I almost got a couple to break up.

So what’s next? I hope it will not involve my superiors or colleagues. Universe, how about messing up the lives of other assholes, eh?