Friday, February 27, 2015

Post-Aquino Worst Case Scenarios

In case we actually become successful in kicking PNoy’s ass out of Malacañang. Here’s what will happen after.

  1. The Binay Ascendancy and a Furious Senate- Binay will be crowned the top asshole of Malacañan Palace, and his spawn will be there to engulf all light emanated by journalists’ cameras. Sorry to burst your bubble but why not Binay? Why are we so afraid of such darkness when majority of us are actually voting for thick-skinned/onion-skinned/God-abiding/womanizing actors and soulless political dynasts? I mean hello? Last time I heard, a convicted plunderer came third in the presidential race. There’s really no need to fear an interim government under Binay because the ambitious amoebae in the Senate will be there to barge in every political effort of the Vice President. The Senate was able to destroy people like Senator Manny Villar and the former Chief Justice Renato Corona. I won’t be surprised if they will come after someone like Binay.
  2. A Post-Binay Scenario- What would happen if Aquino steps down? Binay will rise to power, and then he will be forced to step down because the Cabinet and other political factions do not like him. The truth is, not many like Jejomar Binay because he has the means and the position to become the president. And nobody in Philippine politics likes political progress, especially that of their rivals. Binay won’t be able to handle the pressure (although it’s quite unlikely), thus giving way to a new political era. The thing is, there are a lot of assholes and idiots in the government. Never underestimate assholes and idiots especially when they are organized as a group. They will eventually prevail. Even the CBCP will bless such political entity.
  3. The Philippine Jurassic Era- Of course there will be political mayhem, and there’s no guarantee that the constitutional provisions of the succession will be implemented. In this chaos, the greedy, the asshole, and the idiot will join forces together, gather all their foulest political spawn and rule over this political jungle. They will not behave as ‘buwaya’. They will behave like thick-skinned power-hungry political dinosaurs. The stupid masa will celebrate like devolved primates.
  4. A Star-Studded EDSA Sequel with Kris Aquino as the Ultimate Joan of Arc- Because nobody wants Binay to be president, the people of the Philippines will occupy all streets, especially their favourite, the most monstrous of all roads in the Philippines- the Epifanio De Los Santos Avenue, or commonly known as “Yang Pakshet na Putanginang EDSA na yan”. And through the brilliance of those who are actually in charge of the Liberal Party, the movement will be led by none other then the Self-Proclaimed Queen of All Media, Her Royal Tulo, Kris Aquino with her entourage of beauty queens, Dingdong Dantes and Marian Rivera, and of course, the ambitious Sen. Chiz Escudero and his poor wife Heart Evangelista, and all the glitter and glamour will be there, because the masa will not understand its ideals. And eventually, the Royal Tulo will be president of the Philippines. Presumably, we will live happily ever after.
These are just some of my theories. And each theory has a 99% probability to happen. I mean, this is a country where a plagiarizing senator is venerated and doctors are exported to become nurses in other countries- if these things actually happen here, then who’s to say that my theories are far from becoming the next worst nightmare of our country?

Mabuhay ang EDSA Revolution! 

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