Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Welcome to my animal farm: Mga Kahayupan Atbp.

My visit to Baluarte in Vigan and the Croccodile Farm in Palawan has enlightened me a lot, and showed me what I project I should pursue in the future for the development of humanity. And today we will go to Olonggapo. A friend told me that there's some sort of safari there. I dunno.

I will put up a zoo and name it "Kahayupan Atbp.

This animal farm will be very unique and will house only the most important and unique creatures that are usually found in vast estates of land-grabbing monsters, in urban jungles and important institutions such as the Senate.

Mammal section-

Janet Napoles (Porcus puttana)- a wild pig that can be domesticated by feeding her with the blood of people and everything that humans worked hard for. This pig is always fond of her children, who will lavish them with the most hard to find and precious object found in the urban jungle.

Unggoy Estrada (homo putanginamus)- The lowest form of tsonggo that is naturally abusive, stupid, and assholic. Unlike the tsonggos of Palawan who learned to be annoying to people, this one was born to annoy those with superior intelligence, and it has the ability to charm people of little intelligence.


Juan Ponce Enrile (Semper hudasis)- he is one the few remaining ancient reptiles who roamed the earth many aeons ago. He has chameleonic ability, and a tongue that could twist anything to favour his interest. Despite his thick old skin and millennial age, his phallus seems to attract desperate and depraved female creatures which we commonly call rich bitches.

Bong Revilla (Pius hiponis)- one of the most unique species of shrimps. It looks good. His body tastes good. But his head is disgustingly empty, I wouldn't even suck his head dry (the other head that's supposed to contain brain). This hipon has a special defense mechanism- when threatened by his enemies he cries out to God, giving him the nickname "Pious Shrimp".

Underwater creatures-
Binays- so far these are the foulest species that one can find. Whatever they do, they always leave behind a fishy smell.

Pnoy (Gagus sinebayagi)- this is one huge blob of a jellyfish- spineless, brainless, AND one that has no balls at all. It came out of nothing and has no way of reproducing itself. But it has a sting that could mesmerize even the smartest creature.

For now, we are still deciding what other creatures to put in our zoo. I might employ Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales to look for them. And if ever Madam Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago loses in the presidential race in 2016, I might offer her the job of caretaker of the zoo.


  1. LMAO! I love all the "swapangtific" name! You made my day ha ha ha

  2. Sana payagan ako ng PAWS na maging cruel sa mga ‘animals' na gaya nito. Ito yung mga uri ng 'animals’ na minimithi ko ang extinction.


Sige, sakayan niyo ang trip ko....