Thursday, March 12, 2015

Goodreads so far of 2015...

The past two months gave me a chance to read the best reads so far of this year
  1. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets- There’s no need for me to elaborate on this or write down a review. Hello? It’s the Harry Potter series. I’m planning to finish the whole saga this year.
  2. Manananggal Terrorizes Manila and Other Stories by Jessica Zafra- thank you so much Ms. Balut for this wonderful gift. This is a collection of Zafra’s best short stories. They will make you cry, they will make you wonder, and they will make you wander in a world created by Her Universal Potentate Jessica of the Universe.
  3. The 500 People You Meet in Hell by Jessica Zafra- again another hilarious book that will truly quench your longing for revenge. It is as if she condemned all the assholes in your life to the place where they truly belong.
  4. Darth Vader and Son- Here’s a treat for all the Star Wars fans and geeks out there. It’s a comic book about the early years of Darth Vader as a loving father and his little brat Luke Skywalker. Simply hilarious.
  5. Predator by Patricia Cornwell- the book was ok. Just that. Not as exciting as her early works but it’s ok.
  6. Lucrezia Borgia by Maria Bellonci- A nice history book. However I wasn’t able to finish this. I left it somewhere in Batangas during our trip there, together with my favourite gold-plated Coptic Church cross bookmark.
  7. Duchessina by Carolyn Meyer- An interesting book that enriched the shelf of my beloved princess stories. The dramatized story of the early years of the richest European princess, Catherine de’ Medici, Duchess of Urbino, and a princess of Florence.

I am two books ahead of my Book Challenge 2015.

Currently reading- Wind-up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami

That was a phase...

The last three entries were about porn and men. Pagpapakita na there’s a lonely rotten slut in my personality too. Hahaha! Epekto ng Pilipinas siguro. Medyo na wash away na.

So here I am again in Florence, after 50 days, a billion kilos, and a thousand cups ng extra rice, I’m back to pasta, pesto, and pizza, and crazy working hours, running a near-bankrupt restaurant, having espresso in the morning like there’s no shit going on in our shitty economy.

But despite all these, I am happy to be back. And my sweat glands are quite happy to feel again the cool climate. My ass is happy again to sit in my car and drive around roads that are not always congested (fuck you EDSA).

I am putting back again that shitty horny TG somewhere in the basement. Kung anu-anong kahihiyan na ang idinulot niyan sakin. 

Sunday, March 08, 2015

Isang Pagsusuri Mula Sa Prospektibo ng Isang Ginoo (o di kaya naman ay Ang Voyeuristic Approach ng Isang Repressed na Manyak na Nagbakasyon na Akala Mo’y Namamakyaw ng Laman sa Palengke), Na Kung Saan Ang Lahat Ng May Vagina ay Hindi Binigyan ng Pansin (Obvious, duh!)

Hindi ko alam kung culture-shock ang maitatawag ko sa sensation na naranasan ko nang ako’y magbakasyon sa Pilipinas lalu na pagdating sa pagoobserba ng mga kalalakihan. Ayoko sabihin na nanlalalaki ako na parang namalengke lang ng karne. Nagobserba lang.

Hayaan niyo akong isa-isahin ang mga napansin ko sa mga kabataan at kalalakihan ng Pilipinas.

1.      Fresh Demographics- Ang majority sa populasyon natin ay binubuo ng maraming bagito at binatilyo (at mga dalagita, gusto ko lang banggitin dahil baka sabihin na unfair ang treatment ko). Nakakapanibago sa paningin lalu na sa isang ginoo na nagmula sa Italya (puro matatanda, as in old, not the sexy kind of old). I have already established here na wala akong interest sa mga bata, in general. Pero nakakapanibago lang talaga sa paningin ang makakita ng mga cute.
2.       The Native Flavors- Araw-araw nako exposed sa mga uber sa gwapo na mala-model, hunk daddies, at exotic latin-lover look sa Italya. Pero masasabi ko pa rin na iba pa rin ang panlasang pinoy. Hindi pa rin pahuhuli ang mga kalalakihan natin. Of course hindi ko naman masasabi kung alin ang mas masarap dahil unang-una, wala pa po akong natitikman. Ang basehan po dito ay kung sino ang mas appetizing. Sa akin lang opinion, may certain appeal ang Pinoy na wala ang mga puti.
And speaking of flavors, marami talagang flavor ang mga lalaking Pilipino. Isa na yata sa natutunan ko ay ang mga ‘paminta’. Madami din naman ganyan dito sa Italya, at mas mahirap yata sila ma-distinguish. O siguro mahina lang ang radar ko?
3.      Daddies- Lamang ang mga mature guys sa Pinas kaysa sa Italy dahil kahit umabot ng 50, with proper diet, work-out, and the right aesthetic maintenance, bata pa rin at malinamnam pa rin ang hitsura ng mga Pinoy, unlike here, kapag hindi naalagaan ang sarili, well, wala silang choice kundi ang magpayaman para maging sugar daddy. I’m not sure kung malinaw ba ang point ko dito.
4.      Sariwa- Mas maraming bagito sa Baguio sa tingin ko. Ewan ko lang. I’ve been to the capital and other provinces, and so far, Baguio ang may pinaka maraming cute na fresh talaga tingnan. Siguro dahil malamig ang panahon, o dahil malapit ang mga schools sa Session Road?
5.      100 pesos- Pinakamababa na sigurong offer para maabot daw ang langit. Sa pag-ikot ko minsan sa bayan sa probinsya namin, may nag-alok. In fairness ha, good deal yung 100 pesos na yon sa hitsura ni kuya. But you know me, pakipot na Maria Clara. Makukumpleto na sana kabaklaan ko noon pero tumalikod na lang ako dahil kapag nabigla ako ng ganon, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin. Nag-panic ako. Hahaha! Bakit ba sa bakla kumakapit ang mga tambay na ito kapag naggigipit?!
6.      Hotspots-  A good friend of mine ay nagturo sakin ng isang “hotspot” sa Baguio kung saan makakaranas ng boom-boom-pow action. Mga underground spots. Kahit sa MRT daw may isang sulok na puede na. Iba talaga ang Pinoy. Gagawin lahat para mapayapa ang kati.

Anyway, nakakapagod talaga ang usapang lalaki. Sabi ng kaibigan ko dapat nagpunta daw ako sa mga “spa” at sa mga clubs, lalu na sa mga strip clubs. Ok, I may be desperate for a penis right now pero wala talaga sa system ko ang magmasid sa ganong areas. Maybe someday. In fact, baka dalhin daw niya ako sa isang strip club dito sa Italy. Mas mainam daw dito dahil mas malalaki. Sigh. Minsan mas babae pa ako sa babaeng yon. Hahaha! 

Wednesday, March 04, 2015

My First Glimpse of Porn

We might as well continue all this dirty talk. And since I have confessed here my fondness for Japanese porn, I’d like to tell you about the first porn movie I’ve seen when I was a little girl… I mean boy. I think all boys and some girls go through that discovery. It will start with those uncanny sensations in those private parts and the hounding curiosity about it and the things it could do to a person.

And then there’s the suggestion of bigger boys to fondle your private part. You understand that it feels good but it must be done in secret, especially if the other boy is doing that to you.

I grew up in a very conservative Catholic family that eventually converted to a very conservative Protestant persuasion. Sex and masturbation and porn are definitely taboo. We don’t discuss those things. I don’t even talk about it with my sister and parents. Sex was something that we hope for the young members of our family to discover in the most discreet, conservative and appropriate way.

I discovered it in the most inappropriate and indiscreet manner, the way I understood my homosexuality.

The first porn materials I collected as a horny little boy were those sexy comic strips you usually find in those Filipino tabloids. And of course, I discovered Xerex. We usually have broadsheets, specifically Philippine Daily Inquirer. I got hold of those tabloids thru this man who worked in our house.

My grandmother noticed the presence of those newspapers, and in her most imperial Catholic gesture, she banned all tabloids from that house. Until today, you won’t see any reading material smaller than the Inquirer broadsheet.

My knowledge of (twisted) sex was enriched thanks to Xerex. I understood what sex could look like but I haven’t seen anything real. I can only conjure up sketches and imaginations in my mind, but not the real thing.

A few days after healing my wounds from my circumcision, we were in Muntinlupa visiting our relatives. I was in my uncle’s room hiding from the scorching summer heat outside the house when I suddenly saw a VHS tape. I remember its title- The Reel World 2. I was bored at the time and curious so I put it in the VCR player and there I saw it- hardcore sex in its full color and glory. My eyes were wide open, hormones running all over my body- from the bones to the tip of my newly blooming pubic hair. I thought that was the most wonderful and marvelous thing that ever happened to me that summer.

Then it was all automatic; all natural. I released all the tension that built up inside me. I felt different after that. I knew that something changed in me, some knowledge was implanted in me. I guess that was the feeling when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit. It tasted so good, and as soon after they savored the bountiful fruit all the knowledge of the world opened their eyes, making them realize their nakedness, the humiliation, and the guilt.

That VHS tape was my forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge and evil. During my recent trip to the Philippines, I found the cassette tape in my room. I thought of taking it with me back to Italy, just a souvenir.

And that was the early chapters of my sex education.

People usually would fear that kids who saw porn might grow up promiscuous. Not in my case. Unfortunately. I have become a prude. A puritan. But thank God I am not asexual. But my puritan life is just another story.

So this is the first chapters of my real world sex education. And this I say to the cast of that porn movie- wherever you are Lacey Rose (the only woman who could really give me a hard-on) and Nick East (my first favorite porn actor), I still hope you keep it up. And if you have AIDS or herpes or whatever, just stay away from everybody else please.