Wednesday, November 25, 2015

A Suitable Marriage

A Suitable Marriage

This is about the pursuit of my family to marry me off to some unfortunate girl. Of course, I am writing under the influence of my new obsession-Downton Abbey.

I have told you in a previous entry that I am, above all, the prime bearer of the family’s name who will continue the legacy of my mother’s and father’s families. In fact, my documents identify me with two family names (I dread the times that I have to fit four names in the columns when I am filling up forms).

Curious enough, my parents never bothered me with questions about when do I plan to get married, or if I am dating some fancy girl, or if I have any love-life at all. But I am perpetually pestered by uncles and aunts, and family friends, and members of our religious community, as if my personal life should be everybody’s concern.

It’s easy to dismiss inquiries and I am not bothered by it, but when they start forwarding phone numbers, setting me up with a girl, inviting me over for dinner or parties just to meet a particular girl, those are the times that my holy patience is being tested. I try to be nice enough to accept invitations and properly give hints that there’s no future at all for their attempts of marrying me off to some girl.

I look at myself in the mirror and ask why. I am not that handsome or rich. I do not consider myself to be professionally successful. Why all of a sudden I am being treated as one of the most sought after bachelor?

It’s probably because in the community of our religious persuasion singlehood is a sign of spiritual and social failure. They don’t want to admit that so they steel up their hypocrisy by claiming blessed singleness, but you know and feel that they look down on you. (And this is where I lose all my gracious manners) FUCK YOUR HOLY SHITS IF YOU THINK I’M A LOSER. ST. PAUL WAS NEVER MARRIED, SO WAS JESUS, BUT NONE OF YOU ASSHOLES CLAIMED THAT THEY WERE WANKERS LIKE ME, YOU STUPID SONS OF BITCHES.

Back to regular programming.

I am supposed to be single, for now. I make no efforts at all to find a partner. I am still concerned with what would people say or think (at least the members of our holy community). And above all, what would happen to my family and my relationship with my family if I tell them “Mama, Papa, Sis, Lolas, uncles, and aunts, meet Mr. Right, I suck his cock every night and I truly love him”. They will definitely tear their clothes and put on rags, fall prostrate on the ground, put ashes on their heads, fast like demented prophets, as they cry out to God for forgiveness.

It could happen you know. I mean, I once made fun of Pacquiao and the church sent me a letter the following day telling me that I am suspended from my ministerial post. And my mother was mad and delirious.

I’ve heard the disgusted remarks of many of my cousins, so I guess I won’t be relying on their support. Not even my other best friend. He is convinced that I could change and that he is going to set me up on a date with some girl in Milan.

Recently, my sister has announced that she is finally pregnant. And the pressure on me to get married became even more oppressive. They were already offering me ugly girls. It doesn’t matter how they look. What matters is that I am set in an approved match and a suitable marriage. And it is really tiring.

What would be a suitable marriage for me?

In their opinion, I must marry a girl of our same faith, friend of the family, financially stable and be willing to become one of the Lord’s faithful servants.

And I spit on that.

I need to find a guy who is not necessarily rich but has the financial means to marry me in another European country where same-sex marriage is legal (we’re still waiting for it to be legalized here) and would accept me, an estranged individual who has no wealth, nor rank, nor family. As much as I fancy carrying on the family’s name, I would be forced to drop it and take the name of my future husband, and give my husband’s name to my children. But he must be willing to embrace the values and principles of my spiritual inclination. And he shouldn’t be a Muslim. Arab men are hot. But no. He must be a Christian too. But if he’s Arab and a member of the Orthodox Church, I can consider that.

But for now, I have myself. I am not unhappy. I have considered someone as my possible match, but nothing is official and sure for now.

Maybe I’m just being stupid and choosy? Maybe I have considered too many practical aspects?

Anyway, a suitable marriage is never easy to find or devise. That’s why I do not trust other people’s offers sometimes. It’s shitload full to the brim.


  1. I dont know if I should laugh or if I should panic for myself. LOL.

    I just watched Nikki Gil's wedding vow video, sabi nya dun, "God makes everything beautiful in His time."

    No hurries, no worries, live a happy life as if there is no tomorrow.

  2. I like the way you wrote those expletives, as in super gigil! You don't have to give in to the demands of the people around you. All you have to think of is that you are not hurting anyone and that people around you wants you to be happy. Happiness is something we should strive but it is not easy. Sometimes, when we give in, we'll regret our action later on. So keep on living the life you deserve.

    I remember telling someone this-
    Auntie or Uncle: o nag asawa na yung pinsan mo, ikaw kailan ka susunod?
    Your answer: naku namatay na si tita, kayo po, kailan po kayo susunod?

    Have a lovely day!

  3. I can't imagine how hard it is to be in your position. Parang nakakapagod.

    Wag lang magkakamali ang family ko tanungin ako (sa future) kung kelan ako magpapakasal dahil ang tanging isasagot ko lang if ever ay: "Siguro 'pag legal na ang same-sex marriage sa Pinas."

    1. I said that one too to some people. They were horrified. We're talking about ultra-hardcore Christians. hahaha! Pang asar kasi sila eh. Ayaw pakialaman ang buhay ng mga anak nila, yung personal life ko pa talaga eh hindi ko naman sila kamag-anak.

  4. This post is hilarious. I would seriously convert myself into paganism if someone from my church would tell me all these. Why don't they use their mouth to earn money so they could put up their own store and mind their own business? Being single is not a disease and nowhere in the bible did it say that singleness is one of the ten calamities that plague Egypt. If they will give another comment regarding marriage, let them read 1 Corinthians 7:8. I think they are not happy with their marriage and want you to suffer too. Seeing you enjoying your life makes them regret their decision. You're even luckier than me because an aunt who got married young asked me if I wanted to move in with my partner. I just need to inform her. Like seriously? Why do people think that just because they did it, we should do it too? I wish you all the best in life, sir. But one advice, don't base your decisions on the advice of people who don't have to deal with the result. I really love this post. Mind if I share it?


Sige, sakayan niyo ang trip ko....