Friday, September 22, 2017

And here's the September Issue

Can’t remember the last time I updated my blog. Whatever happened to that promise of writing up more entries this year? Anyway, let’s see at what point in my life I am standing now, according to my 2017 goals.

Goal #1- Be slutty… I mean fit.

Strange enough, I’ve lost 10 kg. My dimple on my left cheek (the face’s cheek) is now visible every time I show my desperate-for-sex-like-I-am-a-really-sex-starved-perv smile to cute guys. My secret? Well there isn’t any. It just happened, like the immaculate conception. I just woke up one day standing on the weighing scale and I’m 10 kg lighter. I try not to think about it or say the word (fucking cancer?!). It’s a bit worrying.

Goal #2- Write!

Well I really had more time with Mary Palms than writing stuff. I’ve been busy, not with work, but with Instagram- following royalties, half-naked guys and checking out the next travel destination. And there are times when I’m on a creative phase that there will be a lot of distractions- new porn material (it’s so obvious that I’m single, LOL!), phone calls from friends, my car was being towed and I literally ran after it, or any goddamn shit.

Today, there’s no one else in our apartment and I am not in the mood for Mary Palm, that’s why I’m writing this! Yay!

Goal #3- Raise money.

Three thousand euros. Well I have more debts than savings as of now. I’ll be meeting with my networking business partner this Sunday for the goods that I’ll be selling, in the hopes that it will make me richer. I did promise to do anything from odd jobs to blowjobs. No odd jobs though. And worse, not even a blowjob. LOL!

Goal #4- Credit history.

I have been swiping my credit card a bit too much lately. For the sake of establishing a good credit history. I think I need to look over my expenses right now.  

Goal #5- Read 24 books.

I am reading my 14th book, and I am 4 books behind schedule.

Goal #6-Plans for next year’s Grand Tour.

It’s final. After so much yes and no, and so much hesitation, it is decided that I will go to the Philippines next year. Destinations will be Manila, Bohol, Palawan and Boracay. To fellow bloggers who are still around here reading, I hope to see you there!

Goal #7- This year’s getaways.

This year I’ve been around and enjoyed travelling from north to south of Italy. I was so happy until I checked by wallet. Hahaha!

Goal #8- Be this year’s Santa to my family

Well, I’ve been considering some stuff that they would appreciate receiving this Christmas. I’ve been looking around for sales and special discounts.

I have also been thinking of creating a new blog, or maybe I’d just revamp this one. This used to have a direction and a purpose. There’s used to be a vibrant community of fellow bloggers. Where are they now? Where are we now? Sigh.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Life: Humanity’s Stupidity and the Road to Extinction (Not a Review, But a Definite Spoiler)

I have begun to appreciate the science-fiction genre, so I went to see the movie “Life” because basically I’m just girl-fanning for Jake Gyllenhaal.

I’m not trying to make a review here. I just want to speak out my thoughts about this movie. The ending is bad. Not cinematic bad. It just seemed stupid. A group of highly intelligent people, experts in fields of engineering, science, medicine and many other stuff. All failed to contain a Martian creature from entering our planet.

I mean, they are intelligent. How come it ended in this moronic manner? So stupid.

I have always this theory that one day humanity will implode because we keep on producing stupid kids. Well not necessarily stupid kids, but we tend to impose stupidity upon our species by denying ourselves anything that will improve our thinking.

But I am not really sure if the movie itself is stupid, or the movie is actually mocking humanity by telling us- “this is you, humanity. You will like this movie. And I will make a stupid ending because you’re all stupid.”

Or perhaps, it is prophesying to us, telling us of what is coming ahead of us. Ugh. I hate humans.

Sunday, April 09, 2017

Goal #7 in Detail...

Sabi ko kailangan ko makaipon ng pera at mag raket para makapag raise ng pera. So that means kailangan mag sacrifice.

Pero I remember when I was young (still young naman, what I mean is when I was younger), I always look forward na makapasyal at mag roadtrip kung saan-saan pagnagka trabaho nako.

Ngayon pa talaga ako magtitiis. Sabi din naman nila, kailangan matuto ng late gratification- yung magtiis ngayon at kapag maluwag na, saka magpakasawa sa lahat ng gusto.

But then, masisiraan din ako ng ulo kung hindi naman ako makakapasyal. So I’m going local! Why not make low-budget trips to towns and cities nearby? 

Here’s my Travel Bucketlist of 2017.

1.      Go to Reggio Emilia and eat a bucket of chicken at KFC

Reggio Emilia is a city in northern Italy. Besides Rome and Milan, it has also a KFC restaurant. We do not have the luxury of having a wide array of choices of fast-food restaurants. Italians are quite slow to understand and appreciate fast-food culture. KFC recently entered the slow-food nation and I’m going to travel 180 km just to eat fried chickent.

2.      Visit Orvieto- it was one of the papal residences in the past until it was annexed to Italy in the late 1800’s. I’ve always been fascinated by the papacy’s power and legacy, that’s why I want to set my feet where Popes loved to tread.

3.      An overnight in Cinque Terre- I want to go back to Cinque Terre. The first time experience was really terrible. I want to go back again so maybe this time it would be better. 

And I also heard of a very interesting boat tour. 

Di ba?

4.      Summer Escapade in Elba Island- that small and lovely island where Napoleon Bonaparte was exiled. I’m already trying to convince friends and my cousins to come with me. Drawing na naman yan.

5.      A Boat Tour in Lake Como- hoping to see George Clooney

6.      Revisit Turin and see the Reggia Venaria- If can’t go back to Versailles, then I’ll experience opulence in this magnificent palace in the north.

7.      Wine-tasting in Siena- my own version of Under the Tuscan Sun

8.      A day trip in Ferrara- I’ve heard so much about this so it’s time to make the plan real.

Sige, drawing lang tayo ng drawing. Magiging totoo din yan!

The Book Inquisition ep. 9: The Pink Morgue

The Queen of Queer Queries summons Jack Sagrado’s “The Pink Morgue”, claimed as Philippines’ first-ever collection of homoerotic mystery and suspense stories.

  1. How was the cover?
Grabe, ginalingan nila mga bes. 1 point and an extra 0.5 for including a box case and the naked male torso as cover image.

1,5 points

  1. Did the book live up to my expectations?

The claims to be the first-ever thingy, and perhaps it is. But I was expecting stories that will really take my breath away, the kind of effect I had when I read Manila Noir. In fact, I had the latter as a point of reference. But it didn’t live up to my expectations really. The stories are good but not good enough to give me nerdy-bookworm orgasms.

0,5 point

  1. Did it compel you to do something you’ve never done before? 
Did it compel me to do something morbid, and something gayer than what I am doing now? Nah! But the idea of gay ghosts kinda did remind of something.

Yes, I downloaded this gay porn movie. Now for some Mary Palm moment… LOL!

0,5 point

  1. Was the plot development refreshing and more than the usual shit you read or has it became your reality?

I can’t say it’s refreshing at all. But since it is the first of its kind then let’s just give it 1,5 points for starting this genre that could pave the way for more interesting reads in Philippine literature.

But of course, there are enjoyable stories here.

“The Old Sapa Road” is a ghost story but more like a bad romance thing where the living and the dead collided for one night to bring back to life a past romance.

“The Pageant”, I wish this story could’ve been developed more. A crime story that revolves around a gay beauty pageant and its beauty queen murdered. Nothing is more interesting than a homicidal scorned pageant diva.

“The Pink Morgue” is truly the centrepiece here and the best among others. What happens inside a morgue when fabulous gay ghosts inhabit it?

A total of 8 stories, all very interesting but these three are the best. Unfortunately, making them short stories kind of shortened my enthusiasm over them. I believe that if the author developed all 8, each as a novel or a longer story, then I truly believe they would be good reads.

1,5 points

  1. Were the characters of the story similar to your favourite imaginary friends?

I would like to have a criminal diva beauty queen as a friend and speak to some gay ghosts. They would go along well with the voices in my head.

1 point

  1. Has it changed your way of thinking? Have you become a better person or remained the same asshole in the neighbourhood? 

I haven’t changed at all. I think I’ve become more demanding, expecting more from gay writers to add more colours in Philippine literature.

0 point.

  1. Tonight. Sex or this book?

Three stories to read, and I’d put it on one corner. Then proceed to my Mary Palm Moment with this material. 


0,5 point

A total of 5,5 points. Could’ve done better. Fell short of expectation. Masturbation can compensate. LOL!

Wednesday, April 05, 2017

The Book Inquisition no. 8- Delusions of a Dictator

The Book Inquisition no. 8- Delusions of a Dictator

Her Illustrious Highness, the Queen of Queer Queeries of the Book Inquisition summons William C. Rempel’s- “Delusions of a Dictator: The Mind of Marcos as Revealed in His Secret Diaries”, gifted to Her Royal Gayness by diva blogger Balut Manila.

  1. How was the cover?

It is used, old and tattered. I liked it. No, I love it. It gives a very vintage feel to it. And when I see words like “delusion” and “dictator” being associated to the photos of Ferdinand and Imelda. A full 1 point.

  1. Can the book cause a lot of controversy? Or if the book is controversial or has an outrageous claim to something or really popular, did it live up to your expectations?

Published in the early 90’s and written by a foreign journalist who got his hands on Marcos’ secret diary that reflects his delusional thoughts and the lies the dictator tells to himself, this discovery guarantees a whirlwind of controversies, especially now that his cronies are now doing their best to rewrite history before they go to hell.

2 points.

  1. Did it compel you to do something you’ve never done before?

No, not really. But it did made me reconsider certain facts in our history and our present condition that helped me form my personal conclusion.

1 point

  1. Was the plot development refreshing and more than the usual shit you read or has it became your reality?

It’s not a work of fiction but it is refreshing from hearing and reading the revisionists’ bullshits online and in the media.

2 points

  1. Were the characters of the story similar to your favourite imaginary friends, or did they get along well with the creature under your bed, or have they become the friends/lovers/sex-slaves you’ve always wanted in your delusional world?


  1. Has it changed your way of thinking? Have you become a better person or remained the same asshole in the neighbourhood?

It is a good book that is based on sound judgement of the facts in our history- a book that portrays a truthful image of a delusional man drunk on power and greed. Filipinos of today will condemn this book and its readers who uphold it as truth. Because we Filipinos, we betray our own kind and spit on the grave of our heroes, and change our history in favour of those traitors. This book makes me different and separates me from the “enlightened” citizens.
1 point.

  1.  Tonight. Sex or this book?

Sandro Marcos enters my chamber. By that time, I’ve already finished the book. I will not undress that young man. I’ll give him copy and send him away. After all, he’s still a Marcos. Cute, but still a Marcos. His name dispels all sexual urge from me. I would read again this book. But if Borgy Manotoc (his cousin) came in, well, I might consider doing him. But that's another story. 

2 points

 A total of 9/10 points- A must read.

Monday, April 03, 2017

The Book Inquisition Ep. 7- Olvidon and other stories

The Queen of Queer Queries summons the book Olvidon but spares it from scrutiny, since it is the product of one of the greatest and most honorable men the Philippines ever had.

It is a collection of 15 short stories written by Francisco Sionil José, published in the late 1980’s. These are masterpieces that portray the Philippine social landscape and realities, the joys and struggles of its people from all walks of life, in words that move the heart and soul; words that change the mind (if one is open enough to accept and understand the true nature and condition of the country), and words that would always remind us of what was our struggle and our goal as a people.

In this age when Philippine history is perverted and myths are fabricated and sanctioned to become facts and cornerstones of our past and future, F. Sionil José will take us back to what was it like to live as a common man in 1970’s Philippines. In fact, when you read these stories, they seem to be set in our present time.

It’s a moving book- sometimes entertaining, sometimes funny, and at other times really depressing, because it speaks about what it is true about our country.

Basta basahin niyo na lang. Tinatamad nako isa-isahin pa dito! 

Sunday, April 02, 2017

Goals Updates.... April Na!

Goal #1- Bring sexy back

Yung totoo bes, ang sarap matulog. Ang sarap kumain. Pinipilit ko lang ang goal na ito, baka sakali lang na magka lovelife ako. Pero bakit yung mas pangit sa akin nakakahanap ng jowa na jackpot na jackpot? Hmm.... Is it really my bilbil the problem or kulang pa ako sa landi?

Goal #2- Write more...

Maliban sa blog na ito, hindi ako makasulat ng iba pa. I should use my hand more for writing than for  ma.... ehem... yun. Hahaha!

Goal #3- Raise up to 3.000 euros this year.

Daig ko pa ang may limang anak. Laging naghahanap ng raket para magkapera. Sabi nila the love of money is the root of all evil. Don’t worry. Hindi naman love of money ito. I just like money with fervent passion lang naman.

Since marami akong magiging gastusin this year, I really need extra income. Another trip to Milan this month, and I hope this upcoming business meeting will go well.

Goal #4- The Making of a Credit History

I said last January that I might get a loan from a bank to pay for anything, just to have a credit history. Up until now, I never had the need to borrow money. I need a credit history para mabigyan ako ng mas malaking loan in the future if ever na kailanganin ko na bumili ng bahay dito. So I started with buying a new expensive phone. Charot!

Goal #5- Read 24 Books

I am now on my 5th book, and currently stuck there. I am 1 book behind schedule according to my Goodreads 2017 reading challenge.

Goal #6- Draw plans for next year’s Grand Tours

Next year, hay nako drawing pa din. Pero para sa mga makakabasa nito, I hope makita ko kayo around August 2018.

Goal #7- Plan this year’s getaways

We’ll talk about this later....

Goal #8- Be this year’s Santa Claus to my family

I am working on it. Sabi nila, para makatipid, you have to make an early shopping list. Do not deviate from that shopping list, at siguraduhin na makapagbigay ng panahon para sa mga araw ng sale. 

Thursday, March 23, 2017

The Singles Guest List

The Singles Guest List

As Florence is the Italian capital city of singles, I celebrated this misery by hosting a dinner for all my single friends. I was trying to achieve something over sushi, champagne and liquors. And that was to change the fate of these single people, and assume a new role that would tell the universe, the cosmos, a big fuck you by becoming the ultimate match-maker.

Socialites used to do this kind of thing to allow the aristocrats and heiresses strike a good match and form suitable marriages. Us, we’re not finding prospects for reasons of wealth. We’re simply desperate. And also, I kind of miss the company of friends.

So there we were, sharing good food and great conversation. This dinner party is composed by the different shades of singles. There’s the Martyr, the Dreamer, Lady Gaga, Christian Gray, the Fall Prince, the Torpedo, The Blessed Single,

Now let us see the various shades of single people

  1. The Martyr- Ang mag-isang umiibig. From the term itself, we know very well kung anong klaseng single ang taong ito. This martyr has made herself so ridiculous in the course of time, drowned in her belief that her love would be reciprocated… by a gay guy. Yes. She is my fag-hag.

  1. The Dreamer- An old soul whose theme song for love is Ella Fitzgerald’s cover “The Man I Love” and Etta James’ “At Last”. He cried watching the movie “Beauty and the Beast”.  Ladies and gentlegays, I was talking about myself. Apart from being a scream glittery queen, I have set certain standards and ideals in a relationship. The kind which we read in literature and stories, or the ones we find in our day-dreams. We believe in fairy tales and forever. Friends tell me that I act and do something to change my status. It’s not that I’m doing nothing at all. I am actually fervently hunting down Prince Charming and unicorns in the 21st century.

  1. Lady Gaga- That girl who is always caught in a bad romance. She had fantastic and near perfect relationships that eventually ended fabulously. Now she’s here at the dinner table pontificating about the virtues of singlehood or being a single mom. But we still have more bottles of wine to empty tonight, and that could change the cruel design of the gods.

  1. The Oversexed Diva- this one easily finds a man to slip under the sheets. But she would never be able to keep one for good. She claims that she desires a lasting relationship, but you have to clarify how she defines a “lasting relationship”. Thus, she is perceived a single gal, though most people think she’s a slut. For me, she’s a diva.

  1. The Torpedo- the classic pinoy torpe, genuine certified 100 percent torpedo! This dinner was also prepared to provide an environment for him to practice the moves and suggestions solicited from friends. A training ground, in other words.

  1. The Apostle- He is different from the Blessed Singles. This one has a divine calling to serve in the Holy Catholic Church of God and to embrace the vows of celibacy, chastity, and the mortification of the flesh. And just like most young men who desire to enter priesthood, he is goddamn handsome; wasting his genes in some bland worship building. He is about to waste his God-given beauty. I invited him because I intend to disrupt and frustrate God’s call and His plans for this young man’s life. Sorry, I am a protestant.
You would think that he's a porn actor of some gay porn parody. 
  1. The Blessed Single Type A- She is destined to be that Golden Spinster. She had availed herself to men, but being in a relationship was never meant for someone like her. She did try hard to change her status but to no success. But being a single lady has made her successful in many other ways such as in business and in the community, has had many great experiences in travelling, and had achieved remarkable things she wouldn’t have done if she were married. Blessed lady they call her. But after this dinner would she still be the same? Doesn’t she need the warmth of love?

  1. The Blessed Single Type B- Unlike the previous Blessed Single who tried hard to be in a relationship, this one didn’t even try. He just realized that he did not need or want to be in a relationship. Single since birth. He had relationships and sexual encounters but soon realized he loved his solitude and independence more than living a life shared with a woman.

“Maybe you’re gay.”, I told him once. He considered the thought and had a one night stand one time with a gay guy to find out if he had homosexual tendencies. After they climaxed it was soon clear to him that he was not gay, and that he was simply a loner, an independent soul. So why is he here? He’s a friend who would bring the goodies and keep the booze flowing until late in the evening.

And there you have it. Now let us all wait and see if the cosmos and the Heaven will consider to collaborate with me.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Pageant Boys

What are pageants for, really? Is it important in promoting advocacies and forwarding other issues? Is it truly an element of goodwill that will make the world a better and brighter place to live in?

These are the questions that popped in my head as I gaze upon the handsome face of this young gentleman- those glittering deep eyes with brows that add to his beauty; those high cheekbones and distinct smile; his smooth brown skin, beefy arms, impressive chest, a flat stomach with some features of abdominal muscles. And let me just stop there, because I can’t go on fantasizing always about my cousin. I know. I am a pervert. But hey, he is still a quite distant cousin.

But let’s put my perversion aside for a while. This cousin of mine is undeniably handsome and sexy. And I’m not saying this because I am horny and pervy, or because I’m a relative. He just won a title in an international male beauty pageant. It gives me a strong sense of pride in my family, and at the same time a strong boner.

He’s got the look. But the brain? Well, the Q and A portion was the most awkward moment for him, having given an answer that has nothing to do with the question. Nevertheless, he was proclaimed one of the most handsome gentlemen of the country.  It just shows us that it’s not all about beauty and brain. Sometimes, it is only about beauty, and how many boners and exploding ovaries can a boy stir up in one night. But I’m still happy for him, for bringing much pride to the household.

So all of the competitors of this important pageant are presumably straight and, obviously, good-looking. But they all look so young. I wouldn’t call them men. They are more like boys- very young and at times, quite awkward-looking.

And then I saw Rappler’s coverage of Mr. Gay World Philippines 2016, and I saw the winner. He is hot as fuck! And I guess, smarter than the usual pageant boys.

I was really amazed at the candidates of the gay pageant. I couldn’t help myself from comparing these straight boys to these gorgeous gay men.

The gays were more perked up, better projection, more muscular, and better-looking. The gay pageant boys look more mature and defined while the straight gentlemen were like still undergoing puberty. I think most of the candidates in the gay pageant are actually in their late 20’s or early 30’s. But then I’ve always preferred guys who are more mature in looks and personality. When it comes to intelligence, I really can’t say which group is smarter, because anyway, the gays have their fair share of dumbasses. Ok, I am really biased here, so I can’t say that our gays outdid those boys.

But let’s be realistic- we’re not judging intelligence, because otherwise there would be more physicists, professors, or scientists here, or an ogre, like me. And how do you judge beauty when it is not even quantifiable? Why can’t we ask ourselves why we are doing these pageants? Why are we so crazy about it?

I like these male pageants because there are handsome men. It makes me feel good to look at them. But to judge them on the basis of their beauty and their ability to answer one question? Am I missing something here?  

Thursday, February 09, 2017

The Things I Learned on My Journey in Finding Love

Four days from now and I’ll be having a dinner at a Japanese restaurant, together with my single friends, pathetically glorifying our singlehood in the best possible way, on Valentine’s Day. We’re quite a confident and brave group of unmarried individuals, each having a very unique singlehood- each has a different story to tell and a different philosophy and perspective on why he or she is still single.

My version is- I am still on a journey that is slowly unravelling as time goes by, and as I meet new people. Yes, I have considered the fact that I maybe a loser. Or maybe I am just ugly and fat. And perhaps it’s all of the above. But I am convinced of one thing, I’m still on that journey and I still have to reach my destination, in that place called love. Cheesy! Chos!

But through the years, I have found quite a few things that have changed my mind and my life so much.

On my journey, I found Infatuation. Back then, when I was younger, I was a boy. Or I thought I was a real boy. That was the time when I fell insanely attracted to a girl- tall, pretty, and smart. For a moment in my life, my strong conviction of being a flawless glittering gay queen was shaken when I met Ms. Infatuation. I breathed out a hallelujah, thinking that there might be a chance that I am just confused and that I am really straight.

I believe we liked each other. And I thought we had a mutual understanding. And that was the big mistake- there was no M.U., no mutual understanding, it was Mag-isang Umiibig, after all. And indeed, it was the bliss of the moment. I wasn’t in love. I was just amazed at this girl.

Ms. Infatuation went away and it made me upset- first, because she left me, second because when I saw her new boyfriend, I wanted him for myself. My hopes of being probably straight stopped there actually.

Time went by and I learned what Truth really meant. In a community of faithful Christians who champion family values, and strong and lasting husband-wife relationship, it was impressed upon me that holy living in spirit and in truth requires me to find a suitable match; a suitable female (and I have to stress that) partner in life.

As a closet queen, I really don’t find it difficult to find a girl. I find it really absurd and funny that I like dating girls and find no difficulty to date a girl, but I can’t even make one step closer to a guy that I really like.
St. Valentine's Tomb, Cosmedin Church, Rome

So I had a girlfriend. It was perfect. We have different character and personalities but we could work it out. Two years in a smooth relationship. Our families were absolutely in agreement and approve the match. The community of the holy and faithful uphold and approve the match. I was expected to propose any time soon. And then it hit me- I am going to build a life with this nice girl who loves me and is willing to sacrifice everything for me, and once I am married, in the eyes of God, I would be staying with her for the rest of my life until I die. I asked myself do I truly love her?

I realized that a life of holiness and truth doesn’t mean living the conventional life, a life that is generally approved by society. Marrying her would be approved by society, but it is a sham, a marriage for convenience, a travesty of truth and holy living. Above all, she doesn’t deserve to live a lie. I broke off our relationship, for her sake. She was devastated, but it was better that way than live a life with a husband who doesn’t really love her.

After that episode of dating girls or being in a relationship with humans with vaginas, I was finally convinced that I was gay. Not confused. Not bisexual. I am a screaming-queen, glittery, dick-sucking, insatiable bottom-bitch G-A-Y.

My First Love made me realize that. And yes, this is the never-ending story of my First Love, the guy I fell insanely in love with for more than ten years- my Best Friend. It was him all along. He was the reason why I broke off with my girlfriend. And for more than ten years he doesn’t know. And for more than a decade, I’ve been living like a fool. I just realized that First Love never really dies. If it dies, it dies really slowly but with a fight.

I realized that since I came out (which is not long ago), I wasn’t really serious about looking for a man, because of my First Love. I had to convince myself that it was a hopeless case, that he will never love me the way I madly loved him.

I can confidently say that I have moved on now. I still love him as a friend and brother (or sister). I still remember those feelings and the sleepless summer nights when I thought of him. But he is now just the man I used to love.

I am okay being single. My trouble is that I got so used to it that I might find being in a relationship too difficult or find living with another guy under one roof too fastidious. But there are moments that I wish I could share a delicious dessert with someone, or see pictures on the wall of me and my beloved, and maybe even with our three children. I don’t need random fucks. I don’t even like the idea of sleeping around. I would like to have a husband.

So here I am, hoping to find love. I don’t consider myself a hopeless romantic. But I believe in fairytales, and that fairytales do come true. And I am probably under the influence of some deadly chemical or something else. 

Now, if you please excuse me, I need to make reservations for an odd number of loveless people.