Thursday, March 01, 2018

The Calling of the Third Wheel

All my cousins and friends are married with kids now. I am the only one left behind. So when my cousin organizes a dinner party at her place, I would equip myself with info on the latest about parenting, baby diapers, and get inspiration from my parents to have something to share or know when the topic of domestic life arises. But I still don’t belong in this company of married couples.

These days I go out with my younger friends. Most of them are still single. But I still don’t feel that I belong. I am more like a chaperone than being one of the barkada. In fact, one of them has already made me his ninong for his wedding.

I used to feel quite sad for being out of place in many settings among friends and family. Somehow I found solace in being the Third Wheel in many of those relationships. In fact, I have already embraced the idea and have considered it a sacred calling. And I am quite sure there are many Third-Wheelers out there who haven’t realized this. It’s time to embrace it, accept it, and fulfil your destiny. Being the Third Wheel doesn’t mean you are a loser in love. Maybe you are, but by being the official Third Wheel to your friends, you might learn one thing or two, or you might help cultivate a budding relationship. This role will change you and your destiny, and maybe even your luck in love.

A Roman holiday as a Third Wheel in Rome, 2016

In those years of third-wheeling I have come to realize the importance of this role to society and mankind. People still haven’t realized this but without you, yes, you my dear third-wheeler, many relationships wouldn’t have come into being or be broken half-way. And many relationships wouldn’t have flourished without you.

Every budding relationship is like a seed that must be planted on good soil, and that good soil is you my friend. You are there because you have the power to enrich this relationship and make this love better or even deeper if you only allow yourself to be the good soil, the official Third-Wheeler.

You are the common ground of two strangers in love with each other. In most cases you are the common friend. Those two strangers still don’t know each other very well, so it will be up to you to think of ideas on the where they will be comfortable to date, providing them the appropriate background info each needed to know. And if they drag you along, you can help them know each other by clearing the air when it gets awkward for the two of them during dinner. In cases of shy people, you can be the host and liven up the conversation for the two. If the date becomes disastrous, you are the exit strategy of that friend who dragged you along. You’ll know what to do. And if it goes well, then you can simply make a gracious exit. Do not think of it that you’re being left behind. You just finished a good task, something that they’ll be thanking you when they are both standing in front of the altar exchanging vows. You just did the Lord’s work. Remember, for every good thing you did in your life, you will reap it bountifully in the future. So at the end of the day, you didn’t lose anything at all.

In a two-way relationship, a third party must do something to harmonize with the other two and establish a symbiotic relationship with them. The keyword here is creativity. You must be creative, for your sake and theirs. Be creative enough to be their photographer and capture unforgettable moments. Be creative enough to coach them on being sweet and charming, and even in grooming, style and many other things. This means that you’ve been educating yourself in finding life-hacks for many aspects of life and relationships. This stock knowledge is not only helpful for the couple, but also for you.

The Third Wheeler is almost inevitably the couple’s therapist by default, given the fact that you made that relationship happen. If there’s a fight you’ll have to be there for the two if they asked your help. If there’s a problem, you’ll have to be there for two if they asked for advice on how to fix things. Of course, you are not God. You won’t be able to fix everything but be there for them and avail yourself for them at least. Be the fixer. Be the peace-maker. It is said, “Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called children of God.” See that? I’m a third-wheeler, a peacemaker, a child of God. See that homophobes, God has a gay son too in me!

Moving on.

Besides, if that relationship doesn’t go well, you might as well be the replacement. Rebound guy or not, there’s a possibility that it is love. Or else, at least you will get laid.

These are just the few satisfying things in the life of a third-wheeler. One day, they’ll be thanking you by making you the godfather to their kids, or making you their own godfather. Relax. It would mean extra expenses during the holidays and birthdays and anniversaries, but they don’t really matter. It would give you a certain pride and joy because they have acknowledge something good in you, and that goodness will one day be paid back in kind.

Have I found love in all these years of being the Third Wheel? Yes and no. I was somehow unfortunate but I know one day when I meet someone, there will be that indispensable Third Wheel to help us through.



  1. Hindi ko akalain na maaaring maging ganito kahalaga at kalalim ang role ng isang third-wheeler :)

    Naalala ko tuloy yung pelikula ni Vilma Santos na "Ekstra" (tungkol sa mga gumaganap na ekstra sa pelikula); parang wala pa akong movie na napanuod na ang main story ay tungkol sa isang third wheeler...

    1. Kung ganun, sige, susulat nako ng screenplay. Hehehe! Di ko pa napapanood ang movie Ekstra...


Sige, sakayan niyo ang trip ko....